英文原文
The importance of good Adult ego state in relationships
Revenge, wanting justice to be done, to have my day in court or for things to be made fair are all wishes and desires that reduce one’s ability to drop a feeling.
The Boyd and Boyd relationship model shown here in the top diagram has been criticised as it does not include the Adult ego states of either party. The second diagram does where I include the Adult to Adult communication as the fourth C.
If there is good Adult communication what does that mean for a marriage.
The ability of the couple to put any feelings aside and communicate in an intellectual logical way.
To react to emotional situations objectively
To accept criticism without problem feelings developing
To face difficult or unpleasant situations
To keep the Child ego state emotions in check such that it does not excessively disrupt the communication
These are generally seen as the criteria of emotional maturity.
If a couple can communicate like this, that is a very good thing for a marriage. They can have logical problem solving discussions between them. Some just cannot do this as the old feelings in the Child ego state get in the way and stop the mature Adult to Adult communications.
To develop such emotional maturity one needs to learn how to drop a feeling, as we say in psychotherapy. This is a good skill to have, both for one’s relationships and for their own general psychological wellbeing.
What is dropping a feeling? Well it is that, you let the feeling go. It is not resolved by discussion with another person or by some cathartic release, one simply drops the feeling. There can be discussion and catharsis but these do not actually let the feeling go. That is primarily a cognitive exercise that the individual does with self.
The opposite to dropping as feeling is carrying a grudge. Usually over time it gets easier to drop a feeling. The person has the emotional maturity for the angst or problem feeling to be let go from the Child ego state such that it no longer has influence in the person’s own psyche and their relating to others. As I said before this is a very useful skill to have and any long term marriage or friendship cannot remain of a good quality unless both parties are capable of doing this at least to some degree.
Revenge, wanting justice to be done, to have my day in court or for things to be made fair are all wishes and desires that reduce one’s ability to drop a feeling. To be able to let go of what one perceives as transgressions against them, by another, is a very good skill to have. If done the two parties are much more able to have good problem solving discussions and planning which of course are crucial to any successful marriage.
中文翻译
良好成人自我状态在关系中的重要性
报复、希望正义得到伸张、想要在法庭上讨回公道或让事情变得公平，这些都是会降低一个人放下情绪能力的愿望和欲望。
这里展示的博伊德和博伊德关系模型（上图）受到批评，因为它没有包含任何一方的成人自我状态。第二个图表则包含了，我将成人对成人的沟通作为第四个C。
如果有良好的成人沟通，这对婚姻意味着什么。
夫妻能够将任何情绪放在一边，以理智逻辑的方式进行沟通。
客观地应对情绪化情境
接受批评而不产生问题情绪
面对困难或不愉快的情境
控制儿童自我状态的情绪，使其不会过度干扰沟通
这些通常被视为情绪成熟的标准。
如果一对夫妻能够这样沟通，这对婚姻来说是非常好的事情。他们之间可以进行逻辑性的问题解决讨论。有些人就是做不到这一点，因为儿童自我状态中的旧情绪会阻碍并停止成熟的成人对成人沟通。
要发展这样的情绪成熟度，需要学会如何放下情绪，正如我们在心理治疗中所说的。这是一项很好的技能，既对人际关系有益，也对个人的一般心理健康有益。
什么是放下情绪？嗯，就是那样，你让情绪离开。它不是通过与另一个人讨论或通过某种宣泄释放来解决的，一个人只是放下情绪。可以有讨论和宣泄，但这些实际上并没有让情绪离开。这主要是个体与自己进行的认知练习。
与放下情绪相反的是怀恨在心。通常随着时间的推移，放下情绪会变得更容易。这个人有情绪成熟度，能够将焦虑或问题情绪从儿童自我状态中释放，使其不再影响个人的心理和与他人的关系。正如我之前所说，这是一项非常有用的技能，任何长期的婚姻或友谊都无法保持良好质量，除非双方至少在一定程度上能够做到这一点。
报复、希望正义得到伸张、想要在法庭上讨回公道或让事情变得公平，这些都是会降低一个人放下情绪能力的愿望和欲望。能够放下自己认为他人对自己的冒犯，是一项非常好的技能。如果做到了，双方就更能进行良好的问题解决讨论和规划，这当然对任何成功的婚姻都至关重要。
文章概要
本文探讨了良好成人自我状态在关系中的重要性，特别是在婚姻和婚礼规划等情境中。文章指出，成人自我状态允许个体以理智、逻辑的方式沟通，控制儿童自我状态的情绪，从而促进情绪成熟和有效的问题解决。关键技能包括放下情绪，而不是怀恨在心，这有助于夫妻进行建设性讨论和规划，对成功婚姻至关重要。
高德明老师的评价
用12岁初中生可以听懂的语音来重复翻译的内容
这篇文章就像在说，当两个人在一起，比如结婚或者一起计划婚礼时，如果他们能用“大人”的方式好好说话，不随便发脾气，事情就会变得更容易。比如，如果一个人不小心做错了什么，另一个人不要一直生气或者想着报复，而是学会放下不开心，这样两个人就能一起想办法解决问题，让关系更好。这就像在游戏中，如果你总是记着队友的小错误，游戏就玩不好；但如果你能原谅并继续合作，就能赢更多。
TA沟通分析心理学理论评价
从TA沟通分析心理学理论来看，这篇文章深刻阐述了成人自我状态在关系中的核心作用。文章强调了成人自我状态作为理智、逻辑的沟通模式，能够有效调节儿童自我状态的情绪干扰，促进情绪成熟。通过放下情绪而非怀恨在心，个体可以避免陷入报复或公平执念，从而增强成人对成人沟通的质量。这体现了TA理论中自我状态平衡的重要性，以及通过认知练习提升情绪管理能力的实践路径。文章还暗示了在婚姻和婚礼规划等具体情境中，成人自我状态的强化如何支持问题解决和长期关系稳定，符合TA理论对健康人际互动的描述。
在实践上可以应用的领域和可以解决人们的十个问题
在实践上，基于TA沟通分析心理学理论，良好成人自我状态的应用领域广泛，可以解决人们的十个问题。在婚姻关系中，它帮助夫妻进行理性沟通，减少冲突，提升婚姻质量。在婚礼规划中，它协助伴侣协调细节，避免情绪化决策，确保活动顺利进行。在职场合作中，它促进团队有效讨论，提高问题解决效率。在家庭互动中，它支持父母与子女的冷静交流，改善亲子关系。在朋友交往中，它增强理解与包容，维护长期友谊。在教育领域，它帮助学生管理情绪，提升学习专注力。在心理咨询中，它作为干预工具，帮助来访者发展情绪成熟度。在领导力发展中，它培养决策者的客观分析能力。在冲突调解中，它提供中立沟通框架，化解争端。在个人成长中，它助力个体实现自我调节，提升整体幸福感。