英文原文
Uncovering the Hidden Dynamics: How Ego States Drive Dysfunctional Behaviour in the Workplace
One of the most fascinating phenomena that every organisation I’ve ever worked with manifests is parent-child, child-parent, parent-parent, and child-child unhealthy transactions. In most organizations, most people have no idea that very often they are speaking, behaving, or deciding out of parent, adult, or child ego states. The easiest way of understanding parent, adult, and child ego states is to focus on my inner dialogue, my self-talk, how I talk to myself. We all have an inner dialogue; everybody talks to themselves. It’s the healthiest thing you can imagine in any healthy life, in any healthy human being—their ability to talk to themselves. As we talk to ourselves, Eric Berne, who created this model in the late 1960s in his first book, The Games That People Play, suggests and highlights that in our inner dialogue, there’s a child, exquisitely gifted in the emotional arena, who can bring innocence, playfulness, and fun into our inner dialogue. There are two sides to the child: the natural child and the adapted child. We’ll come back to that in a moment. In this dialogue, the adult will be bringing fairness, insight, wisdom, balance, and care, but also toughness when necessary. Berne suggested that for a healthy, happy life and a healthy, happy inner dialogue, it was best to remain in the adult state most of the time. The parent in our inner dialogue can be heard saying things like, “Watch the road,” “Don’t cross over there,” “Go to the pelican crossing,” “That tea’s too hot,” “Be careful of that oven,” and so on. Most of the time, that parent is nurturing. We’ll come back to the carping critical parent in a moment. To keep it simple, we have those three ego states in our inner dialogue, operating a lot of the time. Berne suggests that for health and happiness, you should stay in your adult most of the time. Here’s the rub: not many people know how to do that. Not many people in the workplace speak, behave, and decide out of their adult ego state. Very often, in organizations, I’m aware, and colleagues who work in training and development, coaching, and mentoring all agree, that most organizations are cesspools of parent-child, child-parent, parent-parent, and child-child transactions—often unhealthy transactions that frequently go unnoticed. Most people don’t notice; they think it’s okay. They think that speaking to someone in a certain way is acceptable. I have a little video extract from a not very well-known film (You Can Count on Me – 2000) that Matthew Broderick is in, where he’s having a difficult conversation with his deputy bank manager played by Laura Linney. She’s arguing for and trying to get permission to meet her child off the school bus every day. Those of us who are familiar with these dynamics understand that he’s very much parenting her, telling her what to do, and being directive. She’s being childish, playing the victim, saying, “It’s only a couple of minutes at four o’clock, and I’m back in two minutes.” It’s very easy for us to see it, but when I present this clip to most management groups, they have no clue. They think it’s okay. They all say, “She’s arguing her case; he’s the boss.” There’s something fundamentally important that most people are oblivious to: it goes unrecognised and passes for acceptable behaviour. Bottom line, a lot of the childish tantruming, which is all about “I’m going to get what I want, and if you don’t give me what I want, I will tantrum, play up, make a life of misery, and get under your skin until I get what I want,” or judgmental parenting, which is all about criticism, carping, being directive, hectoring in the Margaret Thatcher style, to get what you want. It may be useful at this point just to highlight that the whole point of these games, as Eric Berne called them, is to get what you want. When they’re young, most people discover a strategy—child or parent, or a combination. Eric Berne suggests that most people can flip from child to parent, depending on how well it’s working. They can flip in milliseconds, depending on how well it’s working and if it’s getting them what they want. Most people learn these strategies when they’re young, and then they practice and perfect these skills throughout their life. Bottom line, in terms of organisations—commercial, voluntary, or public sector—these are deeply destructive. These parent-parent, child-child, child-parent, and parent-child transactions are deeply dysfunctional. They create misery, strife, and set up tensions—power tensions, influence tensions, tensions designed to grab influence and power. For most people and in most organizations, this doesn’t exist. For those of us who are skilled and trained in this field, as my colleague Sam mentioned earlier, most organizations are cesspools of this behaviour. The key here, as I mentioned earlier, is that most people are oblivious; they don’t recognise it. The most powerful learning and development pathway here is simply to help managers, leaders, and teams—especially in my case, with videos, video clips, and video extracts—to demonstrate to them, to waken them up, to help them realize, to help them recognize the typical parent, adult, and child dimensions. Once they recognize them, they begin to become almost infatuated, fascinated. It’s like a whole new world has opened up to them. From that moment onwards, they just become increasingly more skilled and increasingly more enthusiastic to identify the dysfunctional behaviour. In so doing, they begin to self-correct. They begin to realise, “Wow, I think I might be doing some of that as well.” This is a classical learning-by-discovery pathway, and once the awareness is there, it is a remarkably self-propelling journey of adaptation and self-correction. Give me a call on 07850 143 209, write to me at email@dannymcguigan.com or connect with me on Linkedin.
中文翻译
揭示隐藏动态：自我状态如何驱动职场中的功能失调行为
在我合作过的每个组织中，最引人入胜的现象之一是父母-孩子、孩子-父母、父母-父母和孩子-孩子之间的不健康互动。在大多数组织中，大多数人没有意识到他们经常从父母、成人或孩子自我状态中说话、行为或决策。理解父母、成人和孩子自我状态的最简单方法是关注我的内心对话、自我对话，即我如何与自己交谈。我们都有内心对话；每个人都会与自己交谈。这是任何健康生活和健康人类所能想象的最健康的事情——他们与自己交谈的能力。当我们与自己交谈时，埃里克·伯恩在1960年代末在他的第一本书《人们玩的游戏》中创建了这个模型，他建议并强调在我们的内心对话中，有一个在情感领域天赋异禀的孩子，可以为我们的内心对话带来纯真、玩乐和乐趣。孩子有两面：自然孩子和适应孩子。我们稍后会回到这一点。在这个对话中，成人会带来公平、洞察力、智慧、平衡和关怀，但在必要时也会带来坚韧。伯恩建议，为了健康、快乐的生活和健康、快乐的内心对话，最好大部分时间保持在成人状态。我们内心对话中的父母可以被听到说诸如“看路”、“不要从那里过马路”、“去斑马线”、“那茶太烫了”、“小心那个烤箱”等等。大多数时候，那个父母是养育型的。我们稍后会回到挑剔批评的父母。简单来说，我们在内心对话中有这三种自我状态，大部分时间都在运作。伯恩建议，为了健康和快乐，你应该大部分时间保持在成人状态。问题是：没有多少人知道如何做到这一点。职场中没有多少人从成人自我状态中说话、行为和决策。在组织中，我经常意识到，从事培训和发展、教练和指导的同事都同意，大多数组织是父母-孩子、孩子-父母、父母-父母和孩子-孩子互动的污水池——通常是不健康的互动，经常被忽视。大多数人没有注意到；他们认为这是可以的。他们认为以某种方式与某人说话是可以接受的。我有一个来自一部不太知名的电影（《你可以依靠我》-2000年）的小视频片段，马修·布罗德里克在其中，他正在与由劳拉·林尼扮演的副银行经理进行一场艰难的对话。她正在争论并试图获得每天接孩子下校车的许可。我们这些熟悉这些动态的人明白，他非常像父母一样对待她，告诉她该做什么，并且是指令性的。她表现得像孩子一样，扮演受害者，说“只是四点钟的几分钟，我两分钟就回来。”我们很容易看到这一点，但当我向大多数管理团队展示这个片段时，他们毫无头绪。他们认为这是可以的。他们都说，“她在争论她的案子；他是老板。”有一个根本重要的事情大多数人没有意识到：它未被识别并被当作可接受的行为。底线是，很多孩子气的发脾气，都是关于“我要得到我想要的，如果你不给我我想要的，我会发脾气、闹事、制造痛苦生活，并让你心烦意乱，直到我得到我想要的，”或者评判性的父母行为，都是关于批评、挑剔、指令性、以玛格丽特·撒切尔风格呵斥，以得到你想要的。在这一点上，强调这些游戏（如埃里克·伯恩所称）的整个目的是得到你想要的，可能是有用的。当他们年轻时，大多数人发现一种策略——孩子或父母，或组合。埃里克·伯恩建议，大多数人可以从孩子翻转到父母，取决于它运作得如何。他们可以在毫秒内翻转，取决于它运作得如何以及是否得到他们想要的。大多数人在年轻时学习这些策略，然后他们在一生中练习和完善这些技能。底线是，就组织而言——商业、志愿或公共部门——这些是极具破坏性的。这些父母-父母、孩子-孩子、孩子-父母和父母-孩子互动是功能严重失调的。它们制造痛苦、冲突，并引发紧张——权力紧张、影响力紧张，旨在抓住影响力和权力的紧张。对大多数人和大多数组织来说，这不存在。对我们这些在这个领域有技能和培训的人来说，正如我的同事萨姆早些时候提到的，大多数组织是这种行为的污水池。关键点，正如我早些时候提到的，是大多数人没有意识到；他们没有识别它。这里最强大的学习和发展途径就是帮助经理、领导者和团队——尤其是在我的情况下，通过视频、视频片段和视频摘录——向他们展示，唤醒他们，帮助他们意识到，帮助他们识别典型的父母、成人和孩子维度。一旦他们识别了它们，他们开始变得几乎迷恋、着迷。就像一个新世界向他们敞开了。从那一刻起，他们只是变得越来越熟练，越来越热情地识别功能失调的行为。这样做，他们开始自我纠正。他们开始意识到，“哇，我想我可能也在做一些那样的事情。”这是一个经典的学习-发现途径，一旦意识存在，它就是一个显著自我驱动的适应和自我纠正之旅。请致电07850 143 209，写信至email@dannymcguigan.com或在Linkedin上联系我。
文章概要
本文探讨了职场中自我状态（父母、成人、孩子）如何影响行为，指出许多组织存在不健康的互动模式，如父母-孩子交易，导致功能失调。文章强调成人自我状态对健康对话和决策的重要性，但大多数人未意识到这一点。通过视频示例，作者展示了如何识别这些动态，并认为一旦人们意识到，就能自我纠正，提升职场效率。
高德明老师的评价
用12岁初中生可以听懂的语音来重复翻译的内容：这篇文章就像在说，我们心里住着三个小人：一个像爸爸妈妈一样爱管事的“父母”，一个像小朋友一样爱玩闹的“孩子”，还有一个像大人一样讲道理的“成人”。在上班的地方，很多人不知道自己在用哪个小人说话，比如老板可能像父母一样命令员工，员工可能像孩子一样闹脾气，这样会让工作变得不开心。如果我们多用“成人”小人，公平地说话和做事，工作就会更顺利，时间也管理得更好。
TA沟通分析心理学理论评价：本文基于埃里克·伯恩的TA沟通分析理论，深入剖析了职场中自我状态的运作机制。它准确识别了父母、成人和孩子自我状态在内心对话中的角色，并强调了成人状态对促进健康互动的重要性。文章通过实例展示了不健康交易（如父母-孩子互动）的破坏性，符合TA理论中关于游戏和脚本的概念，突出了意识提升作为改变起点的核心观点。
在实践上可以应用的领域和可以解决人们的十个问题：应用领域包括职场管理、团队建设、个人发展、教育培训和冲突调解。可以解决的问题：1. 改善时间管理，通过成人状态减少拖延；2. 提升沟通效率，避免父母或孩子状态引发的误解；3. 减少职场冲突，识别并调整不健康互动；4. 增强决策质量，基于成人状态的理性分析；5. 促进团队合作，培养公平和关怀的氛围；6. 缓解压力，通过自我对话平衡情绪；7. 提高领导力，领导者以成人状态引导团队；8. 支持个人成长，意识到并纠正功能失调行为；9. 优化培训效果，使用视频工具唤醒意识；10. 创造积极工作环境，减少功能失调交易带来的紧张。