英文原文
Psychologists Reveal the MAJOR Impact of Home Renovations on Your Mental Health. My husband and I had a joint New Year’s Resolution: Don’t start another home renovation project. While half of the couples often describe renovating together as “fulfilling” and 59 percent even consider it “collaborative,” 12 percent of couples who have been together five years or less might be looking at doomsday DIY that sparks thoughts of separation and divorce, according to a new U.S. Houzz Remodeling and Relationships report. Lucky for me, my marriage can’t be broken with a hammer, but that’s not to say that tears and tempers have not tarnished a home makeover or two. "Renovations are rarely just about tile, paint, and floor plans—they stir up emotions, expose differences, and test even the strongest relationships," says Regina Lark, who has a Ph.D. in gender studies and is a professional organizer at A Clear Path in Los Angeles. "Couples often find themselves navigating not only construction delays and budget overruns, but also the invisible work of managing stress, compromise, and communication." In short, drama is often part of the process and can be triggered by something as innocuous as a roll of wallpaper. A bigger project has more moving pieces, and, in turn, plenty of opportunities not to see eye to eye. "Zooming out is always a practical way to get on the same page about the look and feel of your home," says Kendra Sinclair, design trends expert at Thumbtack, a home renovation service platform. The first step to handling any kind of anxiety, including the type fueled by remodeling, is to accept that we create all our own stress, says psychotherapist Nicki J. Monti. This means that you get to decide on your priorities. "Most stress can be resolved by staying in the present," Monti advises. "Make a list of what’s left to be done and focus completely only on what’s first on the list." Below, psychologists and home experts weigh in on common emotional hiccups that surface during renovations or larger home projects, plus how to ease the stress of remodeling and deal with conflict in a way that keeps you cohabitating in peace when the dust settles. The Problem: Agreeing on a Budget. Of more than 540 couples surveyed in the Houzz report, almost one-third reported that staying on budget was the most frequent source of tension—and no wonder. Instagram and TikTok are the equivalent of keeping up with the Joneses, but on a global scale. We all want the pretty things we see on social media, only to find out that a gorgeous tile runs $125 per square foot. When couples fight about money, it’s really about what that money represents and the conflicting values and decisions, explains Isabelle Morley, clinical psychologist specializing in couples therapy and author of the upcoming book, They’re Not Gaslighting You: Ditch the Therapy Speak and Stop Hunting for Red Flags in Every Relationship. "If you find yourself bickering over the price of every single ticket item in the reno, step back and look at the bigger picture of the project," says Morley. "Find where you do align. Do you both care about the kitchen more than the bathrooms? Decide where you’ll invest, and where you’ll save. Buy the fancy faucet for the kitchen and get cheaper models for bathrooms." The key takeaway is that you’ll have to compromise somewhere. You might not get exactly what you wanted in every single instance, but neither will your partner. Lark points out that financial strain is one of the fastest ways for resentment to build. "When expenses mount, couples often project stress onto each other," she explains. "Talk openly about what is non-negotiable versus nice to have. By framing the conversation as ‘our team against the budget’ rather than ‘me versus you,’ you'll keep money from being a wedge." The Problem: Determining the Scope. Sure, the kitchen needs a facelift, but what if your partner thinks all you need to do is paint the cabinets, but you want to gut the whole thing, move around the appliances, install new floors, and order custom cabinetry? Discussing the ultimate reno goal and the reasons behind it is a first step toward finding common ground. Decide if you’re remodeling because the place is shabby or if you just want to beautify it to reflect the trends du jour. "Remember, you have the same goal and you’re on the same team, even if your approaches differ," says Morley. "Consider other factors, such as budget, timing, and how much emotional capacity you both have for the project." To avoid an emotional blowout, consult each other before embarking on anything major. If one person takes it upon themselves to handle all the big-ticket items, the other person will feel dismissed. "To keep the power balanced, establish a shared decision protocol," Larks says. "For instance, nothing over $500 gets approved without both signatures." The Problem: Deciding on the Aesthetic. We’ve all been there; one of you wants graphic wallpaper, the other is perfectly fine with minimalist white walls. The Houzz report notes that frequent sticking points for couples during renovations include paint colors (36 percent), furniture (33 percent), and flooring materials (29 percent). According to the results, couples together less than 10 years are most likely to clash over furniture (41 percent), while couples of 30 years or more tend to disagree most over paint colors and flooring (35 percent each). But flooring disagreements are a top source of conflict for partners in the 21- to 30-year relationship range. "Our interior design aesthetic often reflects our inner emotional design," Monti says. "People who experience a great deal of inner anxiety, for instance, often prefer calm, organized environments. Alternatively, someone who feels unseen and unheard might want bold colors and unexpected design details." That’s why, when your partner bashes on that floral wallpaper, it feels like a rejection of who you are. "Remember that you each bring a different and valuable perspective," Morley adds. "Instead of arguing about details (this paper versus that wall color), zoom out and consider the general feel and approach to the house. Together, you can find a shared vision." The Problem: Fluctuating Timelines. Some people are ok with living through a renovation, while others develop severe anxiety fueled by the mess and dust. "Most homeowners aren’t seasoned renovators, so for newbies, it’s useful to map strengths to different responsibilities throughout the renovation," Sinclair recommends. "One person might be energized by creating mood boards, while their partner is skilled at finding the best price for a product. Blocking and tackling can help spread the burden." The pace of the project can also trigger the emotional Richter scale. Perhaps you need to “live” with a paint sample for a week or two, but your partner will start developing hives if the project is not done in a weekend. "This brings up a concept of maximisers versus satisficers," Morley explains. "Maximisers want to spend as much time and effort as needed to arrive at the absolute best option. Satisficers want to spend the time and effort needed to arrive at the first good enough option." Clashing can happen when the same decision is seen from two different directions. "Just labeling it can help you have more empathy for each other," Morley advises. "You’re not trying to either rush or delay the process; you’re just approaching the decision differently." Understand that you’re stressed because there is some loss of control, and letting things go—on either side of the spectrum—can go a long way. "Part of being in a relationship is giving and accommodating your partner," she adds. "Pick the battles that really matter to you; let them do their paint samples and ask for an expedient selection of the kitchen sink." Using this approach can also help you deal with unexpected construction delays or other hiccups. Remember that a late cabinet delivery is not your partner's fault. "But it often feels like someone should be blamed," Lark points out. "The [emotional] labor here is managing expectations together. Ask, 'How do we want to respond when things are out of our control?' A shared script—'We’ll revisit the schedule weekly and adjust together'—prevents the default of finger-pointing." The Problem: Biting Off More Than You Can Chew. According to a recent survey from Thumbtack and HotelTonight, 22 percent of Americans don’t plan ahead for home projects, which can result in renovations that are just too complicated or too time-consuming. Before you know it, the house is a wreck, and the blame game is in full swing. To stop the finger-pointing, consider the reality. "Unless you’re professional contractors, no one is to blame," Morley says. "You had no idea what you were taking on, and neither did your partner, especially if there were unanticipated issues. Be compassionate with yourselves." Morley warns against getting stuck in the sunk cost fallacy. "Even if you’ve invested a lot of your time into redoing the walls yourself, if it’s too stressful or not going well, abandon ship," she says. "Hire someone to finish the job." In some cases, ballooning costs may be a sign to wrap up what you can and not jeopardize your savings, sanity, or relationship any more than you already have. "Accepting that things didn’t go the way you’d hoped, and ending the madness," Morley concludes. Lark wants to remind couples that while renovations can magnify their perfectionist streaks—the grout color can feel like it defines an identity—the anxiety can be subdued by allowing space for imperfections. "You’re building a home, not a museum," she adds.
中文翻译
心理学家揭示家装对心理健康的重大影响。我和丈夫有一个共同的新年决心：不要再开始另一个家装项目。根据美国Houzz装修与关系报告，虽然一半的夫妻经常将一起装修描述为“有成就感”，59%甚至认为这是“协作的”，但在一起五年或更短的夫妻中，有12%可能会面临引发分离和离婚想法的末日DIY。幸运的是，我的婚姻不会因为一把锤子而破裂，但这并不是说眼泪和脾气没有玷污过一两次家居改造。“装修很少只是关于瓷砖、油漆和平面图——它们会激起情绪、暴露差异，甚至考验最牢固的关系，”洛杉矶A Clear Path的专业整理师、性别研究博士Regina Lark说。“夫妻们经常发现自己不仅要应对施工延误和预算超支，还要管理压力、妥协和沟通的无形工作。”简而言之，戏剧往往是过程的一部分，可能由像一卷墙纸这样无害的东西引发。更大的项目有更多的变动部分，反过来，也有很多机会意见不合。“退一步看总是就家的外观和感觉达成一致的实用方法，”家装服务平台Thumbtack的设计趋势专家Kendra Sinclair说。心理治疗师Nicki J. Monti说，处理任何焦虑的第一步，包括由装修引发的焦虑，是接受我们创造了所有自己的压力。这意味着你可以决定自己的优先事项。“大多数压力可以通过活在当下来解决，”Monti建议。“列出剩下要做的事情，完全只专注于列表上的第一项。”下面，心理学家和家装专家权衡了装修或大型家居项目中常见的情绪问题，以及如何缓解装修压力并以一种在尘埃落定时让你们和平共处的方式处理冲突。问题：就预算达成一致。在Houzz报告中调查的540多对夫妻中，近三分之一报告说坚持预算是最常见的紧张来源——这并不奇怪。Instagram和TikTok相当于攀比，但规模是全球性的。我们都想要在社交媒体上看到的漂亮东西，结果却发现一块华丽的瓷砖每平方英尺要125美元。专门从事夫妻治疗、即将出版《他们不是在煤气灯你：抛弃治疗术语，停止在每段关系中寻找危险信号》一书的临床心理学家Isabelle Morley解释说，当夫妻为钱争吵时，实际上是关于钱代表什么以及冲突的价值观和决定。“如果你发现自己为装修中每一项的价格争吵，退一步看看项目的大局，”Morley说。“找到你们一致的地方。你们都更关心厨房而不是浴室吗？决定在哪里投资，在哪里节省。为厨房买高档水龙头，为浴室买更便宜的型号。”关键要点是你必须在某个地方妥协。你可能不会在每一个情况下都得到你想要的，但你的伴侣也不会。Lark指出，财务压力是怨恨积累最快的方式之一。“当费用增加时，夫妻们经常将压力投射到对方身上，”她解释说。“公开谈论什么是不可协商的与什么是可有可无的。通过将对话框架为‘我们的团队对抗预算’而不是‘我对抗你’，你可以防止钱成为楔子。”问题：确定范围。当然，厨房需要翻新，但如果你的伴侣认为你只需要粉刷橱柜，而你想拆掉整个东西、移动电器、安装新地板并订购定制橱柜呢？讨论最终的装修目标及其背后的原因是找到共同点的第一步。决定你是因为这个地方破旧而改造，还是只是想美化它以反映当前趋势。“记住，你们有相同的目标，你们在同一个团队，即使你们的方法不同，”Morley说。“考虑其他因素，如预算、时间安排以及你们对这个项目有多少情感能力。”为了避免情绪爆发，在开始任何重大事情之前互相咨询。如果一个人自己承担所有大额项目，另一个人会感到被忽视。“为了保持权力平衡，建立一个共同的决策协议，”Larks说。“例如，超过500美元的任何东西都需要双方签名才能批准。”问题：决定美学。我们都经历过；你们中的一个想要图案墙纸，另一个完全满意极简主义的白墙。Houzz报告指出，夫妻在装修期间常见的分歧点包括油漆颜色（36%）、家具（33%）和地板材料（29%）。根据结果，在一起不到10年的夫妻最可能在家具上发生冲突（41%），而在一起30年或更长的夫妻往往在油漆颜色和地板上分歧最大（各35%）。但对于关系在21至30年范围内的伴侣，地板分歧是冲突的主要来源。“我们的室内设计美学往往反映了我们内心的情感设计，”Monti说。“例如，经历大量内心焦虑的人通常更喜欢平静、有组织的环境。或者，感到被忽视和未被倾听的人可能想要大胆的颜色和意想不到的设计细节。”这就是为什么当你的伴侣抨击那款花卉墙纸时，感觉像是拒绝了你这个人。“记住，你们每个人都带来了不同且有价值的视角，”Morley补充道。“与其争论细节（这张纸与那种墙色），退一步考虑房子的整体感觉和方法。一起，你们可以找到一个共同的愿景。”问题：波动的时间表。有些人可以忍受生活在装修中，而另一些人则因混乱和灰尘而产生严重的焦虑。“大多数房主不是经验丰富的装修者，所以对于新手来说，在整个装修过程中将优势映射到不同的责任上是有用的，”Sinclair建议。“一个人可能通过创建情绪板而充满活力，而他们的伴侣擅长为产品找到最佳价格。分工合作可以帮助分担负担。”项目的节奏也可能引发情绪里氏震级。也许你需要“生活”一两周油漆样品，但你的伴侣如果项目不在周末完成就会开始起疹子。“这提出了最大化者与满意者的概念，”Morley解释说。“最大化者希望花费尽可能多的时间和精力来达到绝对最佳的选择。满意者希望花费所需的时间和精力来达到第一个足够好的选择。”当同一个决定从两个不同的方向看待时，冲突可能发生。“仅仅标记它可以帮助你们对彼此有更多的同理心，”Morley建议。“你不是试图匆忙或延迟过程；你只是以不同的方式处理决定。”理解你感到压力是因为有一些失控，而放手——在光谱的任何一端——可以大有帮助。“关系的一部分是给予和适应你的伴侣，”她补充道。“选择对你真正重要的战斗；让他们做他们的油漆样品，并要求快速选择厨房水槽。”使用这种方法也可以帮助你应对意外的施工延误或其他问题。记住，橱柜交付延迟不是你伴侣的错。“但这常常感觉应该有人被责备，”Lark指出。“这里的[情感]劳动是一起管理期望。问，‘当事情超出我们的控制时，我们想如何回应？’一个共同的脚本——‘我们将每周重新审视时间表并一起调整’——防止默认的指责。”问题：贪多嚼不烂。根据Thumbtack和HotelTonight最近的一项调查，22%的美国人不为家居项目提前计划，这可能导致装修过于复杂或耗时。在你意识到之前，房子一团糟，指责游戏全面展开。为了停止指责，考虑现实。“除非你是专业承包商，否则没有人应该被责备，”Morley说。“你不知道你在承担什么，你的伴侣也不知道，特别是如果有未预料到的问题。对自己要有同情心。”Morley警告不要陷入沉没成本谬误。“即使你投入了大量时间自己重新粉刷墙壁，如果压力太大或进展不顺利，就放弃吧，”她说。“雇人来完成工作。”在某些情况下，膨胀的成本可能是一个信号，表明你应该完成你能做的，不要再危及你已经受损的储蓄、理智或关系。“接受事情没有按你希望的方式进行，并结束疯狂，”Morley总结道。Lark想提醒夫妻们，虽然装修可以放大他们的完美主义倾向——灌浆颜色可能感觉定义了身份——但通过允许不完美的空间，焦虑可以被抑制。“你是在建造一个家，而不是博物馆，”她补充道。
文章概要
本文基于美国Houzz报告和专家观点，探讨家装项目对夫妻心理健康和关系的重大影响。文章指出，虽然许多夫妻认为装修是协作和充实的，但约12%的短期夫妻可能因此产生分离或离婚念头。装修过程常引发情绪波动、暴露差异并考验关系，常见问题包括预算分歧、范围确定、美学选择、时间表波动和项目过载。心理学家建议通过沟通、妥协、共同决策和情感管理来缓解压力，强调家是生活空间而非完美博物馆，鼓励夫妻以团队合作应对挑战，维护心理健康和关系和谐。
高德明老师的评价
用12岁初中生可以听懂的语音来重复翻译的内容：装修房子听起来很好玩，但有时候会让爸爸妈妈吵架哦！比如，爸爸想花很多钱买漂亮的瓷砖，妈妈觉得太贵了；或者妈妈想要花花墙纸，爸爸喜欢白墙。专家说，这是因为装修不只是弄房子，还会让大人们心情不好，甚至想分开。但别担心，如果爸爸妈妈一起商量，像团队一样合作，比如定个预算、互相让一步，就能让家变得更温馨，不会因为装修而生气啦！
TA沟通分析心理学理论评价：从沟通分析心理学角度看，家装项目中的冲突常源于成人自我状态（Adult ego state）的失衡。成人自我状态负责理性决策和问题解决，但在装修压力下，夫妻可能退行到儿童自我状态（如情绪化争吵）或父母自我状态（如批评指责）。例如，预算分歧反映了成人自我状态在财务规划上的挑战，而美学选择冲突可能涉及儿童自我状态的情感表达。文章强调的沟通和妥协，实质上是促进成人自我状态的激活，帮助夫妻以客观、合作的方式处理问题，避免陷入“我好-你不好”的游戏。这种视角赞美了夫妻在压力下努力维持理性对话的能力，展现了成人自我状态在关系维护中的核心作用。
在实践上可以应用的领域和可以解决人们的十个问题：家装项目中的TA沟通分析应用可广泛用于家庭关系、伴侣咨询和日常冲突管理。它能解决人们的十个问题：1. 预算争执时，通过成人自我状态协商达成共识；2. 范围分歧时，用理性分析避免情绪化决策；3. 美学冲突时，理解彼此儿童自我状态的情感需求；4. 时间压力下，平衡最大化者与满意者的成人自我状态差异；5. 项目过载时，激活成人自我状态评估现实能力；6. 沟通不畅时，避免父母自我状态的指责游戏；7. 压力累积时，识别并管理儿童自我状态的焦虑；8. 决策僵局时，运用成人自我状态寻找共同愿景；9. 关系紧张时，强化“我们团队”的成人自我状态合作；10. 完美主义倾向时，接纳不完美以减轻儿童自我状态的压力。这些应用聚焦于赞美夫妻的协作潜力，鼓励以目标为导向的沟通，未来在更多生活场景中推广TA理论，可帮助人们构建更和谐的关系。