英文原文
What is Ego State Therapy and Why Might it Help Me?
Has your partner ever told you, “you’re acting like a child?” Has a friend ever called you super judgmental and harsh? Does your boss make you feel insecure, even when they are giving you constructive feedback? Do you act one way as a parent, authoritative and confident, and another as an employee, passive and compliant? Do these ways of being feel automatic and out of your control? No matter what the scenario, we all have different parts of ourselves and are naturally reactive beings. Transactional analysis, or ego state theory, looks to identify these parts and understand their purpose in our psyche. All parts of ourselves serve a purpose, no matter how much we disapprove of them. Seeing them, then reconciling them in order to improve our optimal functioning is incredibly hard work.
More than likely, I’ll assume that you don’t like the part of yourself that threw an adult tantrum when your partner tried to set a boundary. While based on old stories, and less than productive, that reaction was trying to tell you something important. Our reactivity serves to protect us, but we do not always need protection. Sometimes, our mind lies to us and tells us we are in danger, which creates all sorts of problems, especially in social and romantic relationships.
The example I always use in an ego state overview is that of driving a car for the first time. We learn to count to three at stop signs and take our turn at a rotary essentially, to avoid death. However, these same types of survival mechanisms can keep us stuck when we associate a specific behavior, situation, relationship with “I’m going to die” triggering feelings. Even early childhood situations that seem minute can cause this type of reaction. For example, if we bring up curiosity about sex to our parents and they shut us down jokingly due to their own discomfort, eventually we may come to believe that expressing sexual desire is something that we should shy away from. Insert a couple inevitable stressful experiences with sex and tada, we may develop issues with sexual function. When we meet a compatible partner, that doesn’t just go away.
In positive news, we can rework that and any pathway through working with a trained clinician. In ego state therapy, it’s a therapist’s job to bring forth your most stable, wise states and help them make contact with the younger, fearful, stuck states. Simultaneously, your therapist should work with you to challenge some old, rigid rules that often propel reactivity.
The most concrete way to understand ego state theory is to identify the Parent, the Adult, and the Child. Think of a snowman, with the Child as the foundation and the Parent as the snowman head. The Child part is our oldest, most vulnerable part. Here, live undigested experiences from growing up, when we truly didn’t yet have the tools to deal with distress. Some children rebel, while some become overly compliant, and these roles often carry over into our lives as grown ups. The Child part often wishes things were different, hopes things will change, but lacks the skills to make this happen. When our Child part gets activated in adulthood, we often feel powerless of our circumstances and relationships. We get stuck and retreat or, if more aggressively inclined, get stuck and rage.
The head of the snowman, The Parent part of ourselves, is triggered when we behave from a ‘should’ place, often modeled by the rules of our parent’s household. The Parent state also includes our perception of societal standards. Herein lies our version of the truth, the way the world is. However, it is not our real Truth, as it is based on the world as our parents saw it, not our own wise lived experience. In example, in the past, people I’ve worked with find themselves having a lot of unbending rules around gender norms, like “men should always be the primary provider.” A man in this scenario might come into therapy feeling inadequate if they do not fit this traditional stereotype. When we explore why, much of this rule for life is not based on their lived experience, but that of their parents, forty years prior.
The Adult, the body of the snowman, our core, is the here and now. In therapy, we develop a strong sense of the confident Adult to help us reconcile the Child and Parent when they get loud. The Adult is novel from the other two states as it is always updating with new experiences, allowing emotional growth and new neural pathways. We can ask for help from the Adult state and properly communicate how we are feeling. Still, without the Parent state, we’d likely have no moral compass and without the Child part, no spontaneity. Again, all parts have a place, we just need to find ways to be calm, curious, and brave enough to bear witness.
中文翻译
什么是自我状态疗法，它为何可能帮助我？
你的伴侣是否曾告诉你，“你表现得像个孩子”？朋友是否曾说你超级评判和苛刻？老板是否让你感到不安全，即使他们在给你建设性反馈？你是否作为父母时表现得权威自信，而作为员工时被动顺从？这些行为方式是否感觉自动且不受控制？无论何种情境，我们都有不同的自我部分，天生是反应性生物。沟通分析，或自我状态理论，旨在识别这些部分并理解它们在我们心理中的目的。我们所有的自我部分都有其目的，无论我们多么不赞同它们。看到它们，然后调和它们以改善我们的最佳功能，这是极其困难的工作。
很可能，我假设你不喜欢自己在伴侣试图设定边界时发脾气的那部分。虽然基于旧故事且不太有效，但那种反应试图告诉你一些重要的事情。我们的反应性旨在保护我们，但我们并不总是需要保护。有时，我们的头脑欺骗我们，告诉我们处于危险中，这会造成各种问题，尤其是在社交和浪漫关系中。
我在自我状态概述中常用的例子是第一次开车。我们学会在停车标志处数到三，在环形路口轮流，本质上是为了避免死亡。然而，这些相同的生存机制可能让我们陷入困境，当我们把特定行为、情境、关系与“我要死了”的触发感觉联系起来时。即使是看似微小的童年早期情境也可能导致这种反应。例如，如果我们向父母提出对性的好奇心，他们因自身不适而开玩笑地拒绝，最终我们可能相信表达性欲是应该回避的事情。加上一些不可避免的性压力经历，我们可能发展出性功能问题。当我们遇到合适的伴侣时，这不会轻易消失。
好消息是，我们可以通过与训练有素的临床医生合作来重新处理这些路径。在自我状态疗法中，治疗师的工作是引出你最稳定、明智的状态，并帮助它们与更年轻、恐惧、卡住的状态接触。同时，治疗师应与你合作挑战一些旧的、僵化的规则，这些规则常常推动反应性。
理解自我状态理论最具体的方法是识别父母、成人和儿童。想象一个雪人，儿童作为基础，父母作为雪人头。儿童部分是我们最古老、最脆弱的部分。这里储存着成长中未消化的经历，那时我们确实还没有处理痛苦的工具。一些孩子反抗，而一些变得过度顺从，这些角色常常延续到我们成年后的生活中。儿童部分常常希望事情不同，希望事情改变，但缺乏实现这一点的技能。当我们的儿童部分在成年期被激活时，我们常常感到对环境和关系无能为力。我们卡住并退缩，或者如果更倾向于攻击性，卡住并愤怒。
雪人的头，我们的父母部分，当我们从“应该”的地方行为时被触发，通常模仿父母家庭的规则。父母状态还包括我们对社会标准的感知。这里包含我们对真理的版本，世界的方式。然而，这不是我们真正的真理，因为它基于我们父母看待世界的方式，而不是我们自己明智的生活经验。例如，过去我合作过的人发现自己有很多关于性别规范的僵化规则，比如“男人应该总是主要养家者”。在这种情况下，一个男人如果不符合这种传统刻板印象，可能会在治疗中感到不足。当我们探索原因时，这条生活规则大多不是基于他们的生活经验，而是他们父母四十年前的经验。
成人，雪人的身体，我们的核心，是此时此地。在治疗中，我们培养强烈的自信成人感，以帮助我们在儿童和父母部分变得大声时调和它们。成人不同于其他两种状态，因为它总是随着新经验更新，允许情感成长和新神经通路。我们可以向成人状态寻求帮助，并适当沟通我们的感受。然而，没有父母状态，我们可能没有道德指南针；没有儿童部分，没有自发性。再次强调，所有部分都有其位置，我们只需要找到方法保持冷静、好奇和勇敢，足以见证。
文章概要
本文介绍了自我状态疗法，基于沟通分析心理学理论，探讨了成人、父母和儿童三种自我状态。文章通过日常例子说明这些状态如何影响行为，特别是成人自我状态在边界设定中的作用，强调通过治疗调和不同状态以改善功能。
高德明老师的评价
用12岁初中生可以听懂的语音来重复翻译的内容：想象你心里有三个小角色，一个是像小孩一样爱哭闹的部分，一个是像爸妈一样总说“应该”的部分，还有一个是像现在聪明的你一样的部分。当你朋友想定个规矩时，你的小孩部分可能发脾气，但聪明的部分可以帮助你好好说话，让大家都开心。
TA沟通分析心理学理论评价：本文很好地应用了沟通分析理论，清晰区分了父母、成人和儿童自我状态。成人自我状态作为核心，在边界设定中扮演关键角色，促进现实评估和有效沟通，这体现了理论中“成人”作为理性、适应状态的功能。文章强调调和不同状态以优化心理功能，符合沟通分析的目标导向和整合原则。
在实践上可以应用的领域和可以解决人们的十个问题：应用领域包括心理咨询、教育、职场培训和人际关系辅导。可以解决的问题包括：1. 在亲密关系中设定健康边界；2. 减少工作场所的被动或攻击性反应；3. 改善亲子沟通中的权威冲突；4. 提升社交互动中的自信表达；5. 管理情绪触发时的过度反应；6. 克服性别角色刻板印象带来的压力；7. 增强性健康中的开放沟通；8. 处理童年创伤对成年行为的影响；9. 培养道德决策中的自主性；10. 促进个人成长中的自发性和创造力。