英文原文
Eric Berne is the one who developed the much known theories of Transactional Analysis. I chose this time of social distancing to write about it, especially because the main focus here is that face to face communication is considered the centre of human social relationships. You know, the type of interaction that we lack these days.
In everyday life, people show noticeable changes in voice, posture or other aspects of their behaviour that go hand in hand with shifts in their feelings. These different behavioural patterns introduced the idea of ego states Parent, Child and Adult. This theory suggests that our personality is being divided between these 3 states but not necessarily in equal percentages.
Let’s get a closer look at what each state represents
Parent Ego refers to an individual that possesses traits, feelings and thinking patterns resembling the ones of their parental figures caring, dogmatic, overprotective, giving advice by “talking down”, sometimes judging and criticising.
Child Ego can show either creative and curious or rebellious vs submissive behaviours. This usually happens when strong emotions such as fear or anger are present, and many times come as a response of a conversation with another person that is speaking from a criticising Parent state.
Adult Ego is the only one state that represents behaviours and feelings that are anchored in the present. The way we are responding in this state is not based on the past, which makes us less emotional and more rational. A person which responds from an Adult ego state asks questions to fully understand the information he is given and then validating that information through his own judgement shares his opinion with others. In this way, the Adult can fully assess and control his Parent’s and Child’s emotions, and so, improve his communication skills after each social transaction.Ego states and transactional analysis represent a better way of understanding ourselves, the behaviours we show and the interaction we have with others in both our personal and professional life. Every day we have both internal and external transactions (with other people or with ourselves) and it is very important to be aware of which ego state we activate during these transactions so we can conduct effective and constructive communication.
There are 2 most used types of transactions
complementary, crossed,
Complementary refers to the fact that in a dialog the ego states are aligned and the response one receives is the expected one. For eg Parent to Child or Adult to Adult.
On the other hand, when a transaction is crossed, the ego state that one receives is not the one he is expecting and so miscommunication issues can arise - Adult to Child, Parent to Child.
Let's take an example if someone addresses you from an Adult ego state and you respond in a critical manner from a Parent ego state, you might surely trigger a Child response and not the desired Adult one.
When we are talking about leadership and team dynamics, the misuse of these states can often result in distorted communication, disputes and broken relationships, which leads us to the ideal type of transaction which is Adult to Adult.
For having a healthy life and healthy relationships we need all Ego states! So keep in mind the goal is not to eliminate the Parent and Child ego states, but more to become aware when there is a need in using them and what feelings and reactions are being triggered.
Active listening as an important asset!
As leaders, we need to listen actively so we can very fast be aware of what type of transactions the person in front of us is expecting. There might be times where a caring and nurturing Parent can help us build trust in our teams more than our Adult ego.
Too much use of the Parent ego can slip towards a more Judging Parent figure which will automatically trigger a Child response from the members of the team. On the other hand, using too much of a Child state can intervene with a leader’s ability to be seen as a focused and determined role model.
All of the above emphasise again the importance of balancing the use of the ego states and the awareness a leader must possess in order to identify the feelings and behaviours that trigger them.
Do you ever think about ego states when interacting with your colleagues, bosses or team members? If so, are you aware of which one you are using more often?
If not, did this article convince you to start paying more attention to the social transactions you are performing daily?
中文翻译
埃里克·伯恩是沟通分析理论的创始人。我选择在这个社交疏离的时期来写这个话题，特别是因为面对面交流被认为是人类社会关系的核心——这正是我们这些天所缺乏的互动类型。
在日常生活中，人们的声音、姿态或其他行为方面会随着情绪变化而出现明显改变。这些不同的行为模式引出了自我状态的概念——父母自我、儿童自我和成人自我。这一理论表明，我们的人格被划分为这三种状态，但不一定是平均分配的。
让我们仔细看看每种状态代表什么
父母自我指的是个体具有类似父母形象的特质、感受和思维模式——关爱、教条、过度保护、通过“居高临下”的方式给出建议，有时评判和批评。
儿童自我可以表现出创造性、好奇心，或是叛逆与顺从的行为。这通常发生在恐惧或愤怒等强烈情绪出现时，很多时候是对来自批评性父母自我状态对话的回应。
成人自我是唯一代表基于当下的行为和感受的状态。我们在这个状态下的反应不基于过去，这使我们更少情绪化、更加理性。从成人自我状态回应的人会提出问题以充分理解所获得的信息，然后通过自己的判断验证这些信息，并与他人分享自己的观点。这样，成人自我能够充分评估和控制父母自我和儿童自我的情绪，从而在每次社交互动后提升沟通能力。自我状态和沟通分析为我们理解自己、展示的行为以及个人和职业生活中的互动提供了更好的方式。每天我们都有内部和外部互动（与他人或与自己），意识到在这些互动中激活了哪种自我状态非常重要，这样我们才能进行有效和建设性的沟通。
有两种最常用的互动类型
互补型、交叉型。
互补型指的是在对话中自我状态对齐，收到的回应是预期的。例如父母对儿童或成人对成人。
另一方面，当互动交叉时，收到的自我状态不是预期的，因此可能产生沟通问题——成人对儿童、父母对儿童。
举个例子如果有人以成人自我状态与你交流，而你以父母自我状态批评性地回应，你很可能会引发儿童反应，而不是期望的成人反应。
当我们谈论领导和团队动态时，这些状态的误用常常导致扭曲的沟通、争议和破裂的关系，这引导我们走向理想的互动类型——成人对成人。
为了拥有健康的生活和健康的关系，我们需要所有自我状态！所以请记住目标不是消除父母自我和儿童自我状态，而是更多地意识到何时需要使用它们，以及触发了哪些感受和反应。
积极倾听作为重要资产！
作为领导者，我们需要积极倾听，以便快速意识到面前的人期望哪种类型的互动。有时，关爱和养育的父母自我可能比成人自我更能帮助我们在团队中建立信任。
过度使用父母自我可能滑向更评判性的父母形象，这会自动触发团队成员的儿童反应。另一方面，过多使用儿童状态可能干扰领导者被视为专注和坚定的榜样能力。
以上所有内容再次强调了平衡使用自我状态的重要性，以及领导者必须具备的意识，以识别触发它们的感受和行为。
在与同事、老板或团队成员互动时，你是否曾思考过自我状态？如果是，你是否意识到自己更常使用哪一种？
如果没有，这篇文章是否说服你开始更关注日常进行的社交互动？
文章概要
本文基于沟通分析心理学理论，探讨了自我状态（父母自我、儿童自我、成人自我）在领导力和团队建设中的应用。文章强调成人自我状态在社区领导角色中的重要性，指出基于当下的理性沟通是构建健康团队关系的关键。通过分析互补型和交叉型互动，说明成人对成人互动能有效避免误解和冲突。文章还讨论了平衡使用自我状态和积极倾听的价值，为领导者提供了提升沟通效果的实用视角。
高德明老师的评价
用12岁初中生可以听懂的语音来重复翻译的内容
这篇文章就像在说我们每个人心里都有三个小人儿——一个是像爸爸妈妈那样爱管事的“父母小人”，一个是像小朋友那样爱闹情绪的“儿童小人”，还有一个是像科学家那样冷静思考的“成人小人”。当社区领导带领团队时，如果总是用“成人小人”的方式和大家说话——就是好好问问题、认真听回答、不随便发脾气——整个团队就会像好朋友一样合作得特别棒！但要是领导不小心变成了爱批评的“父母小人”，队员们可能就会变成赌气的“儿童小人”，这样团队就容易吵架啦。所以聪明的领导会学会什么时候该用哪个“小人儿”，这样大家才能一起开心地工作！
TA沟通分析心理学理论评价
这篇文章精彩地展现了沟通分析心理学在领导力领域的应用价值。作者准确地把握了伯恩理论的核心——自我状态的三元结构及其在人际互动中的动态表现。特别值得赞赏的是对成人自我状态的聚焦，这正切合社区领导角色的本质需求。文章没有简单地将父母自我和儿童自我状态视为需要消除的“问题”，而是智慧地指出三者平衡的重要性，这完全符合沟通分析中“自我状态皆有其价值”的基本理念。关于互补型和交叉型互动的阐述，清晰揭示了沟通模式对团队关系的影响机制，为理解领导力沟通提供了扎实的理论框架。这种将经典理论置于当代领导力语境中的诠释方式，展现了沟通分析心理学的持久生命力。
在实践上可以应用的领域和可以解决人们的十个问题
1. 社区团队建设——帮助领导者识别团队成员的自我状态，促进成人对成人互动，减少内部冲突
2. 志愿者管理——指导协调者平衡关怀（父母自我）与理性指导（成人自我），提升志愿者参与度
3. 居民沟通调解——运用成人自我状态进行中立沟通，化解邻里纠纷中的情绪化反应
4. 社区活动策划——通过激发创造性儿童自我状态，设计更吸引人的社区活动方案
5. 领导力培训——教授社区领导者自我状态觉察技巧，提升其沟通效能
6. 团队决策过程——引导团队在重要决策时更多使用成人自我状态，做出更理性选择
7. 新成员融入——帮助新成员理解社区文化中的沟通模式，更快适应团队环境
8. 危机应对——在社区紧急情况下，领导者保持成人自我状态，稳定团队情绪
9. 跨代际沟通——促进不同年龄层居民之间的理解，减少因自我状态错配产生的隔阂
10. 社区文化建设——培育以尊重和理性沟通为基础的社区文化，增强社区凝聚力