英文原文
We often associate being an adult with burdens and unwelcome responsibility. Perhaps some part of us longs for a Peter Pan life, where we imagine we would be happier if we never had to grow up and deal with the challenges of living life as an adult. Most of us know only too well that a Peter Pan life strategy is actually a prescription for suffering. Nonetheless, truly embracing true adulthood is another matter. Transactional Analysis offers a very helpful framework known as Parent – Adult – Child, which can be understood as ego states, mindsets, psychological positions or personas. We could also call these contexts. We can experience ourselves and react or respond to the world around us through the context or lens of any of these three psychological positions. In my training work, we say the Adult is a set of attitudes, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors grounded in the present moment, based on an objective assessment of what is actually happening right now.
The Parent and Child ego states, on the other hand, are based on the past, mostly on early childhood conditioning. The Parent represents the download of conditioning or psychological programming we received in early childhood from our parents and/or other adult authority figures and has two forms a) the healthy, nurturing, protective Parent and b) the less healthy, judgmental, critical, controlling, dominating Parent. While we all hope that every child would receive the healthy, nurturing, protective parent energy in appropriate ways between adults, it is another matter. There is certainly a place for mentoring or nurturing between adults however, the nurturing/protective Parent can become a psychological rescuer and manifest as false altruism or what my first meditation teacher called idiot compassion. This can actually be demeaning and disempowering and being a rescuer or engaging in false altruism is really all about us, not the other person. The other person is just a vehicle for building up our own ego in this case.
The Child represents all of the adaptations and strategies we came up with as children to survive in an often emotionally unsafe world dominated by our parents or other authority figures. This takes the form of the needy, adaptive (in the negative co-dependent sense), controlling, manipulative, tantrum-throwing child. We may copy some of these characteristics modeled by older siblings as well.
There is also a healthy Child. This is the free and natural, wise- innocent, playful Child. The healthy Child, when accessed by the Adult, is the source of creativity, joy, fun and spiritual openness in life. Clearly, there is a difference between being childlike and childish. Many of us need to learn out to re-access our natural, wise innocent child from an integrated Adult. One way to quickly become aware of where the unhealthy or dysfunctional child energy is showing up in our lives is to look at the parts of our lives that are messy, unattended to or where we are irresponsible... whether that might be our health, our relationships, our finances, our eating habits, addictions, our home, closets, car, garage, etc. Can we honestly look to see in which dimensions of our life we are letting the Child running the show? I sure sign of Child energy is wanting to have our cake and eat it too and not being able to make choices or keep commitments. The Child has no relationship with death and wants to keep all options on the table at all times. The Adult is willing to choose, to experience the loss involved in making a choice and committing to a course of action. Adults can also own the consequences and impacts of their choices and behaviors.
The practice of mindfulness allows us to access the Adult state and stabilize our locus of decision making and relating with others in an integrated Adult state, free of unconscious and unintegrated archaic influences from early childhood. This allows us to show up in life, take ownership for choices and keep commitments. There is significant current neurobiological evidence demonstrating that regular mindfulness practice increases our capacity for cognitive control and emotional balance. It improves our ability to self-regulate our own physiological and emotional reactions and response. Mindfulness supports living in a relational-responsive rather than survival-reactive mode.
When we become triggered physiologically and emotionally into some degree of fight or flight, old tapes start playing. Our internalized Parent and/or Adaptive Child kicks in, and we reactively engage in relationships playing out the ghosts of our past, old fear- and survival-based habitual patterns and strategies inherited from our parents and other early authority figures or ones we developed as young children in order to survive. With regular mindfulness practice, we develop the awareness that allows us to recognize the physiology of triggering and the signs of old patterns arising, such that we can make use of self-regulation techniques like simply taking a deep breath, counting to ten, straw breathing or other breath regulation techniques to become un-triggered, to release the grip of the reptilian brain fight or flight reaction and return to the Adult. Having re-established ourselves in the Adult state of being, we can make a reasonable assessment of the situation and respond in the best way possible... or at least – not react in unskillful and even harmful way.
Straw Breathing Exercise Try this simple self-regulation technique, which directly activates the relaxation response or the parasympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system, the next time you feel emotionally triggered, anxious or stressed out. Consciously shift to diaphragmatic or “belly” breathing. Begin breathing in through the nose (with mouth closed) and out through pursed lips, as if you are breathing out through a straw (you can use an actual straw if you like for the out-breath only). Now begin counting with your inhalations and exhalations, breathing in for perhaps a 4 or 5 counts and out for an 8 or 10 count. The idea is to extend the time of the exhalation to be twice as long, or at least 50% longer than the inhalation. Continue breathing this way until you notice the calming effect on your physiological, mental and emotional state.
We all know that we are much more triggerable and reactive when we are tired and depleted. If we overindulge in caffeine, alcohol, sugar, junk food, etc. and do not take care of ourselves, we are very prone to fear- and survival-based reactivity. The answer is cultivating resilience. Becoming more physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually fit and resilient is the key to living our life from the Adult. We can increase resilience in all the common sense ways of taking care of ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Regular mindfulness practice enhance or leverages all of our self-care practices to develop a deep reservoir of resilience, such that it takes a lot more to trigger us out of the Adult into some pattern of reactivity and we are able to recover much more quickly, releasing triggers to return to the Adult.
To be effective, mindful leaders, the kinds of leaders our world desperately needs more than ever, we need be stabilized in our Adult and have the resilience to operate from the responsive-relational mode even in the face of very significant challenges. When triggered emotionally, we need to be able to recover quickly and access the present-focused, responsive part of our brain in order to bring our best self, experience, and wisdom to our role and engagement with others as mindful leaders.
Taking an embodied approach to mindfulness practice further enhances resilience. Our entire body is sensory. All of our internal tissues are sensory. We have a capacity known as interoception or interoceptive awareness. This is the body’s capacity to feel itself from the inside out, so to speak. We are all familiar with interoception, as this is how we know when we are thirsty, hungry, tired, or need to use the restroom. Experiencing muscle or joint pain, indigestion or a headache are all examples of the function interoception. Our interoceptive awareness is commonly only activated when we experience some pain or discomfort, or on the other hand, physical pleasure. By taking an embodied approach to mindfulness practice, we can develop a more abiding interoceptive awareness that translates into feeling present, grounded... embodied. Developing the capacity to remain more anchored in a deeply felt, embodied presence in the midst of our dialing activities, not only gives us more access to the Adult but contributes significantly to well-being and resilience. Others will also experience us as more present and available as well. In fact, research in the emerging field interpersonal neurobiology points to the connection between this interoceptive awareness and our ability to tune into and connect with others. Interoceptive awareness is connected with our capacity for empathic resonance and intimacy with others.
While having a body means we are certainly going to experience discomfort and pain at the time, our bodies are actually wired for joy and bliss. In fact, the more we can embrace the totality of our physical and emotional embodied experience as Adults and deepen our capacity of abiding interoceptive awareness, the more access we have the moment-to-moment experience of the joy and bliss of felt aliveness and presence. In the present moment, life is fairly simple. It only gets complicated when we project ourselves into the past or future or allow ourselves to be swept away by fear- and survival-based reactivity. Simple, ordinary, moment-to-moment, embodied presence has always been the ground of the mystical awareness and ineffable joy experienced by saints and sages, and ordinary mindful leaders and practitioners like us. There is considerable evidence that regular mindfulness practice can make a significant contribution to our ability to lead with resilience, joy, and wisdom... transmitting the joy of living and being to everyone we encounter.
中文翻译
我们常常将成年与负担和不情愿的责任联系在一起。也许我们内心有一部分渴望彼得·潘式的生活，想象着如果我们永远不必长大、不必应对成年生活的挑战，我们会更快乐。我们大多数人都很清楚，彼得·潘式的生活策略实际上是痛苦的处方。然而，真正拥抱真正的成年是另一回事。沟通分析提供了一个非常有用的框架，称为父母-成人-儿童，可以理解为自我状态、心态、心理位置或角色。我们也可以称这些为情境。我们可以通过这三种心理位置中的任何一种情境或视角来体验自己，并对周围世界做出反应或回应。在我的培训工作中，我们说成人是一套基于当下、基于对当前实际发生情况的客观评估的态度、思想、感受和行为。
另一方面，父母和儿童的自我状态基于过去，主要是早期童年条件作用。父母代表我们从父母和/或其他成年权威人物在早期童年接收的条件作用或心理编程的下载，有两种形式 a) 健康、养育、保护性的父母和 b) 不太健康、评判、批评、控制、支配性的父母。虽然我们都希望每个孩子都能以适当的方式接收健康、养育、保护性的父母能量，但在成年人之间，这是另一回事。成年人之间当然有指导和养育的空间，然而，养育/保护性的父母可能成为心理上的拯救者，表现为虚假的利他主义或我的第一位冥想老师所说的愚蠢的同情。这实际上可能是贬低和剥夺力量的，成为拯救者或从事虚假的利他主义实际上都是关于我们自己，而不是对方。在这种情况下，对方只是建立我们自己自我的工具。
儿童代表我们作为孩子在往往情感不安全、由父母或其他权威人物主导的世界中为生存而想出的所有适应和策略。这表现为需求、适应（在负面相互依赖的意义上）、控制、操纵、发脾气的小孩。我们也可能模仿年长兄弟姐妹的一些这些特征。
也有健康的儿童。这是自由自然、智慧天真、玩耍的儿童。健康的儿童，当被成人访问时，是生活中创造力、快乐、乐趣和精神开放性的来源。显然，孩子气和幼稚之间有区别。我们许多人需要学习如何从整合的成人中重新访问我们自然、智慧天真的孩子。快速意识到不健康或功能失调的儿童能量在我们生活中出现的地方的一种方法是，看看我们生活中那些混乱、未被关注或我们不负责的部分...无论是我们的健康、关系、财务、饮食习惯、成瘾、家庭、衣柜、汽车、车库等。我们能诚实地看看在哪些生活维度上我们让儿童在主导吗？儿童能量的一个明显迹象是想要鱼与熊掌兼得，无法做出选择或遵守承诺。儿童与死亡没有关系，希望随时保留所有选项。成人愿意选择，体验做出选择和承诺行动路线所涉及的损失。成人也能承担其选择和行为的结果和影响。
正念实践使我们能够访问成人状态，并在整合的成人状态中稳定我们的决策和与他人关系的中心，摆脱早期童年无意识和未整合的古老影响。这使我们能够在生活中出现，为选择负责并遵守承诺。目前有重要的神经生物学证据表明，定期正念实践增加了我们的认知控制和情绪平衡能力。它提高了我们自我调节生理和情绪反应和回应的能力。正念支持生活在关系-回应模式而非生存-反应模式中。
当我们生理和情绪上被触发到某种程度的战斗或逃跑反应时，旧磁带开始播放。我们内化的父母和/或适应儿童介入，我们反应性地参与关系，演绎我们过去的幽灵、旧恐惧和基于生存的习惯模式和策略，这些是从父母和其他早期权威人物继承的，或者是我们作为幼儿为生存而发展的。通过定期正念实践，我们发展出允许我们识别触发生理学和旧模式出现的迹象的意识，这样我们可以利用自我调节技术，如简单地深呼吸、数到十、吸管呼吸或其他呼吸调节技术来解除触发，释放爬行动物脑战斗或逃跑反应的抓握，并返回成人。在成人存在状态中重新建立自己后，我们可以对情况做出合理评估，并以最佳方式回应...或至少不以不熟练甚至有害的方式反应。
吸管呼吸练习 下次你感到情绪被触发、焦虑或压力大时，尝试这种简单的自我调节技术，它直接激活放松反应或自主神经系统的副交感分支。有意识地切换到横膈膜或“腹部”呼吸。开始通过鼻子吸气（嘴巴闭合），通过噘起的嘴唇呼气，就像通过吸管呼气一样（如果你愿意，可以只使用实际吸管呼气）。现在开始计数你的吸气和呼气，吸气可能4或5拍，呼气8或10拍。想法是延长呼气时间，使其是吸气的两倍长，或至少长50%。继续这样呼吸，直到你注意到对生理、心理和情绪状态的镇静效果。
我们都知道，当我们疲倦和耗尽时，我们更容易被触发和反应。如果我们过度沉迷于咖啡因、酒精、糖、垃圾食品等，并且不照顾自己，我们非常容易产生恐惧和基于生存的反应性。答案是培养韧性。在身体、心理、情绪和精神上变得更健康和更有韧性是从成人生活生活的关键。我们可以通过所有常识性的方式增加韧性，照顾自己的身体、心理、情绪和精神。定期正念实践增强或利用我们所有的自我照顾实践，发展深厚的韧性储备，这样需要更多才能将我们从成人触发到某种反应性模式，我们能够更快地恢复，释放触发以返回成人。
要成为有效的正念领导者，我们世界比以往任何时候都更需要的那种领导者，我们需要稳定在我们的成人中，并具有韧性，即使在面对非常重大挑战时也能从回应-关系模式运作。当情绪被触发时，我们需要能够快速恢复，并访问我们大脑中专注于当下、回应的部分，以便作为正念领导者将我们最好的自我、经验和智慧带到我们的角色和与他人的互动中。
采取具身化的正念实践方法进一步增强了韧性。我们的整个身体是感官的。我们所有的内部组织都是感官的。我们有一种能力称为内感受或内感受意识。这是身体从内到外感受自己的能力，可以这么说。我们都熟悉内感受，因为这是我们知道自己何时口渴、饥饿、疲倦或需要使用洗手间的方式。体验肌肉或关节疼痛、消化不良或头痛都是内感受功能的例子。我们的内感受意识通常只在经历一些疼痛或不适，或者另一方面，身体愉悦时才被激活。通过采取具身化的正念实践方法，我们可以发展更持久的内感受意识，转化为感觉当下、扎根...具身化。发展在繁忙活动中保持更锚定在深刻感受、具身化存在的能力，不仅使我们更容易访问成人，而且显著促进幸福和韧性。其他人也会体验到我们更当下和可用。事实上，新兴领域人际神经生物学的研究指出了这种内感受意识与我们调谐和连接他人能力之间的联系。内感受意识与我们与他人共情共鸣和亲密的能力相关。
虽然拥有身体意味着我们肯定会经历不适和疼痛，但我们的身体实际上是为快乐和幸福而设计的。事实上，我们越能作为成人拥抱我们身体和情绪具身化体验的整体性，并深化我们持久内感受意识的能力，我们就越能访问感受到活力和存在的快乐和幸福的当下体验。在当下，生活相当简单。只有当我们将自己投射到过去或未来，或允许自己被恐惧和基于生存的反应性席卷时，它才变得复杂。简单、普通、当下、具身化的存在一直是圣人和智者，以及像我们这样的普通正念领导者和实践者所体验的神秘意识和难以言喻的快乐的基础。有相当多的证据表明，定期正念实践可以对我们以韧性、快乐和智慧领导的能力做出重大贡献...将生活和存在的快乐传递给我们遇到的每个人。
文章概要
本文基于沟通分析心理学中的父母-成人-儿童自我状态框架，探讨了正念实践如何帮助个体稳定和发展成人自我状态。文章指出，成人状态是基于当下客观评估的态度和行为，而父母和儿童状态则源于早期童年条件作用。通过正念练习，如吸管呼吸技术，个体可以识别和调节触发反应，从生存-反应模式转向关系-回应模式，增强韧性，并在领导力和日常生活中更有效地运作。文章强调了具身化正念实践对提升内感受意识、促进幸福和人际连接的重要性，最终实现以快乐和智慧引领生活。
高德明老师的评价
用12岁初中生可以听懂的语音来重复翻译的内容 这篇文章就像在说，我们每个人心里都有三个小人儿 一个是像爸爸妈妈那样爱管事的“父母小人”，一个是像小时候那样爱闹脾气的“儿童小人”，还有一个是像现在这样能冷静思考的“成人小人”。正念练习就是让我们多请“成人小人”出来当家，这样我们就能更好地处理事情，不随便生气，还能更快乐哦。
TA沟通分析心理学理论评价 从沟通分析心理学理论来看，这篇文章精准地应用了父母-成人-儿童的自我状态模型来阐释个体心理运作。它强调了成人自我状态作为基于当下客观现实的核心功能，这与伯恩理论中成人作为“计算机”角色的描述高度一致，负责数据处理和理性决策。文章对父母和儿童状态的区分，特别是健康与不健康形式的探讨，深化了我们对早期脚本如何影响成年行为的理解。正念实践被呈现为一种有效的工具，促进自我状态的整合和成人状态的稳定，这符合沟通分析中“去污染”和“再决策”的治疗目标，帮助个体摆脱陈旧模式的束缚。
在实践上可以应用的领域和可以解决人们的十个问题 在实践上，这篇文章的内容可以应用于多个领域，帮助人们解决以下十个问题 1. 职场压力管理，通过正念练习减少反应性行为，提升领导效能。2. 人际关系改善，识别和调整父母或儿童状态的互动模式，促进健康沟通。3. 情绪调节困难，使用吸管呼吸等技术快速从触发状态返回成人状态。4. 决策能力提升，基于成人状态的客观评估做出更明智选择。5. 自我照顾不足，增强韧性以更好地照顾身体和心理需求。6. 成瘾行为控制，通过正念减少基于生存的反应性驱动。7. 生活混乱感，识别儿童状态主导的领域并恢复责任。8. 创造力激发，访问健康儿童状态以带来快乐和创新。9. 精神成长，深化具身化存在体验，提升幸福感。10. 团队建设，作为正念领导者传递快乐和智慧，增强集体韧性。