英文原文
Tips for a Stress-Free Holiday with Adult Children
Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all! - Romans 12:16 NLT
Kids Return to the Nest
”They’re here!” hubby said, as we ran out on the porch, undeterred by the blustery December winds. Bekah and Ryan jumped out of the car and grabbed their frisky puppy, Bea. Bob helped them haul in their luggage while we exchanged hugs on the porch. “Hey Beautiful Girl," I whispered, “It’s so good to have you home.” Exhausted after their seven hour drive from Missouri, we plopped down on the living room couch to relax.
Grandsons, Teddy and Gus arrived bright eyed and ready to go with mom and dad in tow. Had they grown another inch? I wondered. Moriah swept in with her cat, Desmond, and the mischief level in the house rose exponentially. Caleb and Ashia were the last to arrive from Minnesota. We wrapped them in warm hugs. Forrest and Keziah had a short three hour drive. They schlepped baskets of laundry and bright smiles.
I soaked in the goodness as I surveyed the room. Our kids were all home together, and it was the sweetest feeling a mixture of nostalgia and pride. They’re all grown. Our work is done and now we connect as friends and peers. Sometimes I’m shocked we’re at this stage already. Wild, busy children gave way to real adults. The transformation is stunning.
“When are you going to buy a sectional mom?” Moriah quips! Every single time the kids come home that’s what they ask. Sheesh! Yes, our living room is a little cozy for 13 people, but I don’t even care. “Get over it,” I winked, secretly hoping we can get a sectional one day.
A Stress-Free Holiday
How do we manage a household of adult kids who have differing views and perspectives? How do we handle difficult conversations with grace and truly enjoy our time together? How do we make room for apologies and tenderness when tensions rise? How do we handle schedules and meal prep so mom isn’t exhausted?
We find our cue from a letter Paul wrote to the church in Rome. “Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!”- Romans 12:16 NLT What does it look like to live in harmony with our adult children? For us it looks like empathetic listening, refraining from advice giving except when asked, and unconditional love for all. It means walking before our kids with humble hearts, willing to listen to their perspectives. A know-it-all causes strife, and we don’t want that when our kids are home.
How about you? What could your holidays look like if you were a little more realistic and less perfectionistic? What can you do to live in harmony with your adult children?
Four Tips for a Stress-Free Holiday Season
1. The Holidays don’t have to be perfect
Where did we get this idea that every holiday had to be an over-the-top-grand, impactful, Pinterest worthy event? Real life isn’t like that and the pressure to make it perfect for everyone adds stress to the whole family. What if instead we tried to create meaningful moments of laughter, shared memories, and honest conversation. What if we relaxed a little and just allowed ourselves to be together as we are. Perfection belongs to God only. The pursuit of it surely leads to our ruin. Instead, relax and enjoy your favorite people. Take the pressure off and settle into the joy of being together.
2 . Understand everyone’s opinion matters
At their core, the holidays are about celebrating God’s goodness with family. Since families are made up of several people, we want our families to understand that their opinions matter. It’s always beneficial to listen to one another. Have important conversations and practice mutual respect. This looks like compromise, flexibility, and empathy. Make sure that the family isn’t bowing to the wishes of one person. Allow everyone to have a say in the holiday plans.
Come up with a plan of what everyone wants to do when they are home. Create lots of space for relaxation and down time. Families are exhausted and most of us just want to “chill” together. Create a comfortable environment when your kids are home.
3. Share in Planning & Prep
There’s nothing more exhausting than a mom who has to do all the holiday cooking, planning, shopping, wrapping and managing. The best decision we’ve ever made is to invite our five adult kids to help with meals when we’re all home together. I make a group note and share it to everyone and each adult kid picks a meal and purchases groceries, cooks, and cleans it up.
Shared responsibility helps the workload be managed by everyone instead of just the parents. We have the most fun planning and celebrating the meals each adult child has provided.
4. Be unoffendable
How could our holidays look if our families chose not to be offended by each other? What if instead of rolling our eyes, or feeling upset, we offered grace and chose to guard our emotions. What if we exhibited a level of self-control and we just let difficult words roll off instead of stinging our hearts and causing emotional upheaval?
When we become unoffendable we learn to focus on the good in front of us. We understand each of our family members is a work in progress, including ourselves. Because Jesus extended grace to us, we can return grace to our adult children.
The holidays look different once our kids are grown, but as moms, we set the tone for our family. We can’t avoid all holiday stress but when we lay down our perfectionistic tendencies, value each other’s opinions, share in the workload, and choose to be unoffendable, we can have the warm holiday we long for.
Let’s pray.
Dear Papa, I thank you for my grown children. I bless you for Your hand over our family. Give us all the grace and courage to be kind to one another, to extend grace and honor instead of criticism and contempt. Thank you for guiding each of us to your heart. Thank you that we are all works in progress and we need Your influence in our lives. Help us walk in tenderness towards one another. Amen.
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中文翻译
与成年子女共度无压力假期的建议
彼此和睦相处。不要太高傲而不愿与普通人交往。不要自以为无所不知！——罗马书12:16（新生活译本）
孩子们归巢
“他们到了！”丈夫喊道，我们不顾十二月呼啸的寒风跑上门廊。贝卡和瑞安跳下车，抱起他们活泼的小狗比娅。鲍勃帮他们搬行李，我们在门廊上互相拥抱。“嘿，美丽的女孩，”我轻声说，“有你回家真好。”他们从密苏里州开了七小时车，疲惫不堪，我们瘫在客厅沙发上放松。
孙子泰迪和格斯眼睛亮晶晶地到了，准备和爸妈一起玩。他们又长高了一英寸吗？我心想。莫里亚带着她的猫德斯蒙德冲进来，屋里的恶作剧水平指数级上升。迦勒和阿西亚最后从明尼苏达州抵达。我们给了他们温暖的拥抱。福雷斯特和凯齐亚只开了三小时车。他们拖着几篮脏衣服，脸上挂着灿烂的笑容。
我环顾房间，沉浸在美好中。我们的孩子都回家了，这是最甜蜜的感觉——怀旧与自豪交织。他们都长大了。我们的工作完成了，现在我们像朋友和同龄人一样联系。有时我惊讶我们已经到了这个阶段。狂野忙碌的孩子变成了真正的成年人。这种转变令人惊叹。
“妈妈，你什么时候买组合沙发？”莫里亚打趣道！每次孩子们回家都这么问。天哪！是的，我们的客厅对13个人来说有点挤，但我根本不在乎。“别管了，”我眨眨眼，暗地里希望有一天我们能买个组合沙发。
无压力假期
我们如何管理一个拥有不同观点和视角的成年子女家庭？我们如何优雅地处理困难对话，真正享受在一起的时光？当紧张局势升级时，我们如何为道歉和温柔留出空间？我们如何安排日程和备餐，让妈妈不至于筋疲力尽？
我们从保罗写给罗马教会的信中找到了线索。“彼此和睦相处。不要太高傲而不愿与普通人交往。不要自以为无所不知！”——罗马书12:16（新生活译本）与成年子女和睦相处是什么样子？对我们来说，这表现为同理心倾听、除非被要求否则不给予建议，以及对所有人的无条件的爱。这意味着以谦卑的心走在孩子前面，愿意倾听他们的观点。自以为无所不知会引起冲突，当孩子们在家时我们不想要那样。
你呢？如果你更现实一点，不那么完美主义，你的假期会是什么样子？你能做些什么来与成年子女和睦相处？
无压力假期的四个建议
1. 假期不必完美
我们从哪里得来这种想法，认为每个假期都必须是一场盛大、有影响力、值得在Pinterest上分享的活动？现实生活不是那样的，让每个人都完美的压力给整个家庭增添了压力。如果我们转而尝试创造有意义的欢笑时刻、共享回忆和真诚对话呢？如果我们放松一点，就允许自己以真实的样子在一起呢？完美只属于上帝。追求它肯定会导致我们的毁灭。相反，放松并享受与你最爱的人在一起。卸下压力，沉浸在相聚的喜悦中。
2. 理解每个人的意见都很重要
假期的核心是与家人一起庆祝上帝的良善。既然家庭由几个人组成，我们希望家人们明白他们的意见很重要。倾听彼此总是有益的。进行重要对话并实践相互尊重。这表现为妥协、灵活性和同理心。确保家庭不屈服于一个人的愿望。允许每个人在假期计划中发表意见。
制定一个计划，列出每个人回家时想做什么。为放松和休息留出大量空间。家人们都很疲惫，我们大多数人只想一起“放松”。当你的孩子在家时，创造一个舒适的环境。
3. 分担规划与准备
没有什么比一个必须包办所有假期烹饪、规划、购物、包装和管理的妈妈更累人的了。我们做过的最好的决定是邀请五个成年子女在我们都回家时帮忙准备餐食。我创建一个群组笔记分享给每个人，每个成年子女选择一顿饭，购买食材、烹饪并清理。
分担责任有助于每个人管理工作量，而不仅仅是父母。我们最开心的是规划和庆祝每个成年子女提供的餐食。
4. 做到不轻易被冒犯
如果我们的家庭选择不被彼此冒犯，我们的假期会是什么样子？如果我们不翻白眼或感到不安，而是给予恩典并选择守护我们的情绪呢？如果我们表现出一定程度的自我控制，让难听的话随风而去，而不是刺痛我们的心并引起情感动荡呢？
当我们变得不轻易被冒犯时，我们学会关注眼前的美好。我们理解每个家庭成员，包括我们自己，都在成长中。因为耶稣向我们施予恩典，我们可以将恩典回报给我们的成年子女。
一旦孩子长大，假期看起来就不同了，但作为母亲，我们为家庭定下基调。我们无法避免所有假期压力，但当我们放下完美主义倾向、重视彼此的意见、分担工作量并选择不轻易被冒犯时，我们就能拥有渴望的温暖假期。
让我们祈祷。
亲爱的天父，我感谢祢赐给我成年的孩子。我为祢对我们家庭的看顾祝福祢。赐给我们所有人恩典和勇气，彼此友善，施予恩典和尊重，而不是批评和蔑视。感谢祢引导我们每个人归向祢的心。感谢祢让我们都在成长中，我们需要祢在我们生命中的影响。帮助我们以温柔彼此相待。阿们。
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文章概要
本文以一位母亲与成年子女团聚的温馨故事为引，探讨了如何通过放下完美主义、倾听彼此意见、分担家务和保持情绪稳定来实现无压力假期。文章结合基督教价值观，强调和谐、恩典和成长，为家庭互动提供了实用建议。
高德明老师的评价
用12岁初中生可以听懂的语音来重复翻译的内容
这篇文章讲的是一个妈妈和她的已经长大的孩子们一起过假期的故事。妈妈说，假期不用什么都做到最好，那样太累了。每个人都可以说说自己想怎么过假期，大家一起商量。做饭啊、打扫啊这些事，孩子们也可以帮忙，不要都让妈妈一个人做。还有，如果有人说的话让你不高兴，你可以试着不生气，想想好的地方。这样大家就能开开心心在一起玩了。
TA沟通分析心理学理论评价
从沟通分析心理学理论来看，这篇文章生动展示了家庭成员在假期互动中如何从“父母自我状态”转向“成人自我状态”的积极转变。作者作为母亲，最初可能带有“照顾型父母自我状态”的倾向，如追求完美假期和包办事务，但通过实践建议，她引导家庭进入“成人自我状态”，表现为理性协商、责任分担和情绪管理。例如，“理解每个人的意见都很重要”体现了成人自我状态下的平等沟通，“分担规划与准备”打破了传统父母-子女的互补沟通模式，转向成人-成人的互补沟通。而“做到不轻易被冒犯”则强调了从“儿童自我状态”的情绪化反应转向成人自我状态的自我控制，这有助于减少心理游戏和冲突。整体上，文章倡导的和谐互动模式，正是沟通分析理论中健康人际关系的基础，即基于成人自我状态的清晰、直接沟通。
在实践上可以应用的领域和可以解决人们的十个问题
在实践上，这篇文章的理念可以应用于家庭关系咨询、亲子教育研讨会、婚姻辅导工作坊、社区支持小组、教会家庭事工、企业团队建设、学校家长课堂、在线心理健康课程、退休生活规划和个人成长工作坊等领域。它可以解决人们的十个问题，包括减少家庭假期冲突、改善父母与成年子女沟通、降低完美主义带来的压力、促进家务公平分担、增强情绪调节能力、提升家庭决策参与感、缓解空巢期焦虑、培养同理心倾听技巧、加强家庭成员间尊重和创造温暖团聚氛围。