英文原文
Journal Prompts for Self-Discovery — Sparrows Nest Counseling. Last week I wrote about the importance of knowing ourselves before we can set boundaries with ourselves. This is one of those tasks that is simple, but not easy. When we have years of experience bending and flexing to match our perceptions of what others want us to be, it’s hard to even know where to begin figuring out who we are, what we like and don’t like. We’ve been denying our own needs and desires. It may feel selfish to even have needs and desires. If we tried to express them when we were little and they were minimized or outright dismissed, we learned that we were not supposed to be needy. We were “too much” or “too sensitive.” When a message like that hits a little kid or a fragile teenager who has not yet developed a solid sense of self in the first place it can spark a frantic quest to make sure we do whatever it takes to fit in with other people. We internalize the belief that our existence is merely to serve others, to be what they want. Please hear me on this: I am not saying that serving others is bad at all. However, when we serve others without also taking care of ourselves we gradually reach a point where are no longer serving; we are slaving. We are striving to get a basic need met, to be accepted, to be valued, to be loved instead of serving from a place of knowing we do not have to earn our value, or prove our worth. There is a big difference between those two mindsets. I am not talking here about a “true self” vs “false self” kind of dichotomy. I am just talking about the fact that we tend to put ourselves on hold so we can do for others, and over time, we kind of forget what we are all about. We’ve suspended our choices so much that we don’t even know what our own opinion is. When we get clear on who we are, what we value and why, we can show up for other people in ways that feel good to them and to ourselves. We can feel energized by the ways we interact with people. We can feel confident when we have to say no to things because we are clear on why that “no” is important. Maybe you want to say no to something that doesn’t align with what you value, with your sense of integrity. Maybe you know that saying no to something will free you up to do the things that are more important to you. It can feel overwhelming and even unsafe to start exploring what makes ourselves tick. Our mind has learned to protect us by looking to others for our value and discarding anything that may jeopardize fitting in. We are hypervigilant to these things, and the slightest hint can trigger thoughts and feelings that we may not even be aware of immediately. Previously, I recommended journaling to get started with this. Journaling is a way to hash this stuff out privately, which can feel less scary. You may feel resistance to self-discovery, because you have taught yourself that self-discovery gets you in trouble. Having your own opinion can lead to rejection. Journaling is a safe place to start because you can try out these thoughts with just yourself; nobody else needs to see your journal. Here are some journal prompts to get you started on the path to self-discovery: * What was I like when I was young, when I was “myself?” What qualities do I miss about her?, * What did I want to be when I grew up? What did I think life as a grown up would be like?, * How have I matured?, * What baggage have I picked up since I was little?, * What unspoken family rules did I grow up with? Which ones do I want to continue? Which ones do I want to discard?, * What do I like?, * What do I dislike?, * What do I value?, * What energizes me?, * What makes me laugh?, * What makes me cry?, * What makes me feel afraid?, * What are my strengths?, * What are my weaknesses?, * What feeds my soul, makes me feel alive?, * What drains me of energy?, * What kinds of people to I love to be around? Why? What qualities do they have in common?, * What kinds of people bug me? Why? What qualities do they have in common?, * What social causes really tug at my heart? Why? What is it about those causes that really get me?, * Who do I find myself wanting to stick up for, to root for? Why?, * What do I want my relationships to be like?, * What do I value in a friend? In a spouse?, * What lessons have I learned from hard times or mistakes? What mistakes do I want to avoid repeating?, * What are my goals in life? Where do I see myself in 5 years? 10 years?, * What are my dreams? If I could do anything, what would it be? (Don’t be realistic, let yourself pretend that actual barriers like money, time, skill, knowledge, etc. are not in the way.), Pick and choose prompts that speak to you. Not all of them will directly relate to the boundaries you want to set, but the more you know about yourself and the changes you might like to make, the better equipped you will be to identify, set, and implement boundaries to help you get there. If any of this feels overwhelming and you want help walking through this process, please reach out.
中文翻译
自我发现的日记提示——麻雀巢咨询。上周我写了在设定界限之前了解自己的重要性。这是一项简单但不轻松的任务。当我们多年来一直弯曲和调整自己以符合我们认为别人希望我们成为的样子时，甚至很难知道从哪里开始弄清楚我们是谁、我们喜欢什么和不喜欢什么。我们一直在否认自己的需求和欲望。甚至拥有需求和欲望都可能感觉自私。如果我们小时候尝试表达它们，却被轻视或完全忽视，我们就学会了我们不应该有需求。我们“太多”或“太敏感”。当这样的信息击中一个尚未建立坚实自我意识的小孩或脆弱的青少年时，可能会引发疯狂的追求，以确保我们不惜一切代价融入他人。我们内化了这样的信念：我们的存在仅仅是为了服务他人，成为他们想要的样子。请听我说：我并不是说服务他人不好。然而，当我们服务他人而不照顾自己时，我们逐渐达到一个不再服务而是奴役的地步。我们努力满足基本需求，被接受、被重视、被爱，而不是从知道我们不必赚取价值或证明自己价值的地方服务。这两种心态有很大不同。我在这里不是在谈论“真实自我”与“虚假自我”的二分法。我只是在谈论我们倾向于把自己搁置一边以便为他人做事，随着时间的推移，我们有点忘记了自己是什么。我们搁置了太多选择，以至于甚至不知道自己的意见是什么。当我们清楚自己是谁、我们重视什么以及为什么时，我们可以以对他人和我们自己都感觉良好的方式出现在他人面前。我们可以通过与人互动的方式感到充满活力。当我们不得不说“不”时，我们可以感到自信，因为我们清楚为什么那个“不”很重要。也许你想对不符合你价值观或正直感的事情说“不”。也许你知道对某事说“不”会让你有时间做对你更重要的事情。开始探索什么让我们自己运转可能感觉压倒性甚至不安全。我们的头脑学会了通过向他人寻求价值并丢弃任何可能危及融入的事物来保护我们。我们对这些事情高度警惕，最轻微的暗示都可能引发我们甚至可能没有立即意识到的想法和感受。之前，我推荐写日记来开始这个过程。写日记是一种私下解决这些事情的方式，可能感觉不那么可怕。你可能对自我发现感到抗拒，因为你教会自己自我发现会让你陷入麻烦。拥有自己的意见可能导致拒绝。写日记是一个安全的起点，因为你可以只与自己尝试这些想法；其他人不需要看你的日记。以下是一些日记提示，帮助你开始自我发现之路：* 我年轻时是什么样子，当我“是我自己”时？我怀念她的哪些品质？* 我长大后想成为什么？我认为成年后的生活会是什么样子？* 我是如何成熟的？* 我从小以来背负了什么包袱？* 我成长过程中有哪些不成文的家庭规则？我想继续哪些？我想丢弃哪些？* 我喜欢什么？* 我不喜欢什么？* 我重视什么？* 什么让我充满活力？* 什么让我笑？* 什么让我哭？* 什么让我感到害怕？* 我的优点是什么？* 我的缺点是什么？* 什么滋养我的灵魂，让我感觉活着？* 什么耗尽我的能量？* 我喜欢和什么样的人在一起？为什么？他们有什么共同品质？* 什么样的人让我烦恼？为什么？他们有什么共同品质？* 什么社会事业真正触动我的心？为什么？这些事业的什么真正打动我？* 我发现自己想支持谁、为谁加油？为什么？* 我希望我的关系是什么样子？* 我重视朋友的什么？配偶的什么？* 我从困难时期或错误中学到了什么教训？我想避免重复哪些错误？* 我的人生目标是什么？我在5年、10年后看到自己在哪里？* 我的梦想是什么？如果我能做任何事情，那会是什么？（不要现实，让自己假装金钱、时间、技能、知识等实际障碍不存在。）选择与你共鸣的提示。并非所有提示都直接与你想要设定的界限相关，但你对自己和可能想要做出的改变了解得越多，你就越能识别、设定和实施界限来帮助你达到目标。如果任何这些感觉压倒性，你想要帮助走过这个过程，请联系。
文章概要
本文探讨了通过日记实践促进自我反思，以帮助个体从长期迎合他人期望的模式中解脱出来，重新发现自我。文章强调了了解自己的重要性，特别是在设定个人界限之前，并指出由于童年经历，许多人内化了服务他人而忽视自我需求的信念，导致自我认知模糊。作者推荐写日记作为一种安全、私密的自我探索工具，提供了一系列日记提示，涵盖个人历史、价值观、情感反应、人际关系和未来目标等方面，旨在引导读者逐步澄清自我身份、喜好和价值观，从而更自信地设定界限和做出选择。
高德明老师的评价
用12岁初中生可以听懂的语音来重复翻译的内容：这篇文章就像一本教你认识自己的秘密日记指南。它说，有时候我们为了让别人喜欢，会忘记自己真正喜欢什么，就像一直戴着面具。写日记可以帮助你悄悄摘下面具，看看自己是谁，喜欢什么，不喜欢什么，这样你就能更勇敢地说“不”或“是”，做真正的自己。
TA沟通分析心理学理论评价：从沟通分析心理学角度看，这篇文章深刻触及了成人自我状态（Adult ego state）的激活与强化。文章描述的个体长期迎合他人期望、内化服务他人信念的现象，反映了父母自我状态（Parent ego state）和儿童自我状态（Child ego state）的过度主导，导致成人自我状态功能受限。日记实践作为一种自我反思工具，本质上是在促进成人自我状态的运作——它鼓励个体基于现实信息（如个人历史、当前感受）进行理性分析和决策，而不是依赖童年习得的脚本或外部指令。例如，日记提示如“我重视什么？”或“什么让我充满活力？”引导个体收集数据、评估选项，这正是成人自我状态的核心功能。文章强调从“奴役”到“服务”的转变，体现了从适应型儿童自我状态（Adapted Child）向自由型儿童自我状态（Free Child）的过渡，同时通过成人自我状态的调解，实现更健康的自我表达和人际关系。这种实践有助于打破“人生脚本”（Life Script）中自我否定的模式，促进脚本重写。
在实践上可以应用的领域和可以解决人们的十个问题：日记实践基于成人自我状态，可广泛应用于个人成长、心理咨询、教育辅导和职场发展等领域。它可以解决人们的十个问题：1. 自我认知模糊，帮助个体澄清身份和价值观；2. 界限设定困难，通过自我反思增强说“不”的自信；3. 情绪管理不佳，识别触发因素并调节反应；4. 人际关系冲突，理解个人偏好和互动模式；5. 决策犹豫不决，基于自我价值做出更坚定选择；6. 低自我价值感，重建内在认可和自尊；7. 压力应对无效，发现能量来源和消耗因素；8. 目标迷失方向，明确人生梦想和长期愿景；9. 童年创伤影响，处理家庭规则和遗留包袱；10. 社交适应焦虑，探索舒适圈和人际吸引力。