英文原文
Time to Grow Up: Adulting Mindfully - Mindful Leader
We often associate being an adult with burdens and unwelcome responsibility. Perhaps some part of us longs for a Peter Pan life, where we imagine we would be happier if we never had to grow up and deal with the challenges of living life as an adult. Most of us know only too well that a Peter Pan life strategy is actually a prescription for suffering. Nonetheless, truly embracing true adulthood is another matter. Transactional Analysis offers a very helpful framework known as Parent – Adult – Child, which can be understood as ego states, mindsets, psychological positions or personas. We could also call these contexts. We can experience ourselves and react or respond to the world around us through the context or lens of any of these three psychological positions. In my training work, we say the Adult is a set of attitudes, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors grounded in the present moment, based on an objective assessment of what is actually happening right now.
The Parent and Child ego states, on the other hand, are based on the past, mostly on early childhood conditioning. The Parent represents the download of conditioning or psychological programming we received in early childhood from our parents and/or other adult authority figures and has two forms: a) the healthy, nurturing, protective Parent and b) the less healthy, judgmental, critical, controlling, dominating Parent. While we all hope that every child would receive the healthy, nurturing, protective parent energy in appropriate ways; between adults, it is another matter. There is certainly a place for mentoring or nurturing between adults; however, the nurturing/protective Parent can become a psychological rescuer and manifest as false altruism or what my first meditation teacher called idiot compassion. This can actually be demeaning and disempowering and being a rescuer or engaging in false altruism is really all about us, not the other person. The other person is just a vehicle for building up our own ego in this case.
The Child represents all of the adaptations and strategies we came up with as children to survive in an often emotionally unsafe world dominated by our parents or other authority figures. This takes the form of the needy, adaptive (in the negative co-dependent sense), controlling, manipulative, tantrum-throwing child. We may copy some of these characteristics modeled by older siblings as well.
There is also a healthy Child. This is the free and natural, wise-innocent, playful Child. The healthy Child, when accessed by the Adult, is the source of creativity, joy, fun and spiritual openness in life. Clearly, there is a difference between being childlike and childish. Many of us need to learn out to re-access our natural, wise innocent child from an integrated Adult. One way to quickly become aware of where the unhealthy or dysfunctional child energy is showing up in our lives is to look at the parts of our lives that are messy, unattended to or where we are irresponsible... whether that might be our health, our relationships, our finances, our eating habits, addictions, our home, closets, car, garage, etc. Can we honestly look to see in which dimensions of our life we are letting the Child running the show? I sure sign of Child energy is wanting to have our cake and eat it too and not being able to make choices or keep commitments. The Child has no relationship with death and wants to keep all options on the table at all times. The Adult is willing to choose, to experience the loss involved in making a choice and committing to a course of action. Adults can also own the consequences and impacts of their choices and behaviors.
The practice of mindfulness allows us to access the Adult state and stabilize our locus of decision making and relating with others in an integrated Adult state, free of unconscious and unintegrated archaic influences from early childhood. This allows us to show up in life, take ownership for choices and keep commitments. There is significant current neurobiological evidence demonstrating that regular mindfulness practice increases our capacity for cognitive control and emotional balance. It improves our ability to self-regulate our own physiological and emotional reactions and response. Mindfulness supports living in a relational-responsive rather than survival-reactive mode.
When we become triggered physiologically and emotionally into some degree of fight or flight, old tapes start playing. Our internalized Parent and/or Adaptive Child kicks in, and we reactively engage in relationships playing out the ghosts of our past, old fear- and survival-based habitual patterns and strategies inherited from our parents and other early authority figures or ones we developed as young children in order to survive. With regular mindfulness practice, we develop the awareness that allows us to recognize the physiology of triggering and the signs of old patterns arising, such that we can make use of self-regulation techniques like simply taking a deep breath, counting to ten, straw breathing or other breath regulation techniques to become un-triggered, to release the grip of the reptilian brain fight or flight reaction and return to the Adult. Having re-established ourselves in the Adult state of being, we can make a reasonable assessment of the situation and respond in the best way possible... or at least – not react in unskillful and even harmful way.
Straw Breathing Exercise: Try this simple self-regulation technique, which directly activates the relaxation response or the parasympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system, the next time you feel emotionally triggered, anxious or stressed out. Consciously shift to diaphragmatic or “belly” breathing. Begin breathing in through the nose (with mouth closed) and out through pursed lips, as if you are breathing out through a straw (you can use an actual straw if you like for the out-breath only). Now begin counting with your inhalations and exhalations, breathing in for perhaps a 4 or 5 counts and out for an 8 or 10 count. The idea is to extend the time of the exhalation to be twice as long, or at least 50% longer than the inhalation. Continue breathing this way until you notice the calming effect on your physiological, mental and emotional state.
We all know that we are much more triggerable and reactive when we are tired and depleted. If we overindulge in caffeine, alcohol, sugar, junk food, etc. and do not take care of ourselves, we are very prone to fear- and survival-based reactivity. The answer is cultivating resilience. Becoming more physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually fit and resilient is the key to living our life from the Adult. We can increase resilience in all the common sense ways of taking care of ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Regular mindfulness practice enhance or leverages all of our self-care practices to develop a deep reservoir of resilience, such that it takes a lot more to trigger us out of the Adult into some pattern of reactivity and we are able to recover much more quickly, releasing triggers to return to the Adult.
To be effective, mindful leaders, the kinds of leaders our world desperately needs more than ever, we need be stabilized in our Adult and have the resilience to operate from the responsive-relational mode even in the face of very significant challenges. When triggered emotionally, we need to be able to recover quickly and access the present-focused, responsive part of our brain in order to bring our best self, experience, and wisdom to our role and engagement with others as mindful leaders.
Taking an embodied approach to mindfulness practice further enhances resilience. Our entire body is sensory. All of our internal tissues are sensory. We have a capacity known as interoception or interoceptive awareness. This is the body’s capacity to feel itself from the inside out, so to speak. We are all familiar with interoception, as this is how we know when we are thirsty, hungry, tired, or need to use the restroom. Experiencing muscle or joint pain, indigestion or a headache are all examples of the function interoception. Our interoceptive awareness is commonly only activated when we experience some pain or discomfort, or on the other hand, physical pleasure. By taking an embodied approach to mindfulness practice, we can develop a more abiding interoceptive awareness that translates into feeling present, grounded... embodied. Developing the capacity to remain more anchored in a deeply felt, embodied presence in the midst of our dialing activities, not only gives us more access to the Adult but contributes significantly to well-being and resilience. Others will also experience us as more present and available as well. In fact, research in the emerging field interpersonal neurobiology points to the connection between this interoceptive awareness and our ability to tune into and connect with others. Interoceptive awareness is connected with our capacity for empathic resonance and intimacy with others.
While having a body means we are certainly going to experience discomfort and pain at the time, our bodies are actually wired for joy and bliss. In fact, the more we can embrace the totality of our physical and emotional embodied experience as Adults and deepen our capacity of abiding interoceptive awareness, the more access we have the moment-to-moment experience of the joy and bliss of felt aliveness and presence. In the present moment, life is fairly simple. It only gets complicated when we project ourselves into the past or future or allow ourselves to be swept away by fear- and survival-based reactivity. Simple, ordinary, moment-to-moment, embodied presence has always been the ground of the mystical awareness and ineffable joy experienced by saints and sages, and ordinary mindful leaders and practitioners like us. There is considerable evidence that regular mindfulness practice can make a significant contribution to our ability to lead with resilience, joy, and wisdom... transmitting the joy of living and being to everyone we encounter.
Fleet Maull, Ph.D. is renowned author, teacher, and founder and training director of Prison Mindfulness Institute, Engaged Mindfulness Institute, Center for Mindfulness in Public Safety, and Windhorse Seminars & Consulting.
中文翻译
是时候长大了：正念成人化
我们常常将成年与负担和不情愿的责任联系在一起。也许我们内心有一部分渴望彼得·潘式的生活，想象着如果我们永远不必长大，不必应对成年生活的挑战，我们会更快乐。我们大多数人都很清楚，彼得·潘式的生活策略实际上是痛苦的处方。然而，真正拥抱真正的成年是另一回事。沟通分析提供了一个非常有用的框架，称为父母-成人-儿童，可以理解为自我状态、心态、心理位置或角色。我们也可以称这些为情境。我们可以通过这三种心理位置中的任何一种的情境或视角来体验自己，并对周围的世界做出反应或回应。在我的培训工作中，我们说成人是一套基于当下、基于对当前实际发生情况的客观评估的态度、思想、感受和行为。
另一方面，父母和儿童的自我状态基于过去，主要是基于童年早期的条件作用。父母代表了我们童年早期从父母和/或其他成年权威人物那里接收到的条件作用或心理编程的下载，有两种形式：a) 健康的、滋养的、保护性的父母，以及 b) 不太健康的、评判的、批评的、控制的、支配的父母。虽然我们都希望每个孩子都能以适当的方式接收到健康的、滋养的、保护性的父母能量；但在成年人之间，情况就不同了。成年人之间当然有指导和滋养的空间；然而，滋养/保护性的父母可能成为心理上的拯救者，表现为虚假的利他主义，或者我的第一位冥想老师所说的愚蠢的慈悲。这实际上可能是贬低和剥夺权力的，成为拯救者或从事虚假的利他主义实际上都是关于我们自己，而不是对方。在这种情况下，对方只是建立我们自己自我的工具。
儿童代表了我们作为儿童在通常由父母或其他权威人物主导的情感不安全的世界中为生存而想出的所有适应和策略。这表现为需求型的、适应性的（在消极的相互依赖意义上）、控制的、操纵的、发脾气的小孩。我们也可能模仿年长兄弟姐妹所展示的一些这些特征。
也有健康的儿童。这是自由自然的、智慧天真的、爱玩的儿童。健康的儿童，当被成人访问时，是生活中创造力、快乐、乐趣和精神开放性的源泉。显然，童真和幼稚是有区别的。我们许多人需要学习如何从整合的成人中重新访问我们自然的、智慧天真的儿童。快速意识到不健康或功能失调的儿童能量在我们生活中出现的地方的一种方法是，看看我们生活中那些混乱、无人照料或我们不负责任的部分……无论是我们的健康、人际关系、财务、饮食习惯、成瘾、家庭、衣柜、汽车、车库等。我们能诚实地看看在我们生活的哪些方面我们让儿童在主导吗？儿童能量的一个明显迹象是想要鱼与熊掌兼得，无法做出选择或遵守承诺。儿童与死亡没有关系，希望随时保留所有选项。成人愿意选择，体验做出选择和承诺行动所涉及的损失。成人也能承担其选择和行为的结果和影响。
正念练习使我们能够访问成人状态，并在整合的成人状态中稳定我们的决策和与他人关系的中心，不受童年早期无意识和未整合的古老影响。这使我们能够在生活中出现，为选择负责并遵守承诺。目前有重要的神经生物学证据表明，定期的正念练习增加了我们的认知控制和情绪平衡能力。它提高了我们自我调节生理和情绪反应和回应的能力。正念支持生活在关系-回应模式而非生存-反应模式中。
当我们生理和情绪上被触发到某种程度的战斗或逃跑反应时，旧磁带开始播放。我们内化的父母和/或适应性儿童开始起作用，我们反应性地参与关系，演绎我们过去的幽灵、旧的基于恐惧和生存的习惯模式和策略，这些是从父母和其他早期权威人物那里继承的，或者是我们作为幼儿为生存而发展的。通过定期的正念练习，我们培养了意识，使我们能够识别触发的生理学和旧模式出现的迹象，这样我们就可以利用自我调节技巧，比如简单地深呼吸、数到十、吸管呼吸或其他呼吸调节技巧，来解除触发，释放爬行动物脑战斗或逃跑反应的掌控，并回到成人状态。在成人存在状态中重新建立自己后，我们可以对情况进行合理的评估，并以最佳方式回应……或者至少——不以不熟练甚至有害的方式反应。
吸管呼吸练习：下次当你感到情绪被触发、焦虑或压力大时，尝试这种简单的自我调节技巧，它直接激活放松反应或自主神经系统的副交感神经分支。有意识地切换到横膈膜或“腹部”呼吸。开始通过鼻子吸气（嘴巴闭合），通过噘起的嘴唇呼气，就像通过吸管呼气一样（如果你愿意，可以只使用实际的吸管呼气）。现在开始计数你的吸气和呼气，吸气可能数4或5下，呼气数8或10下。想法是延长呼气时间，使其是吸气时间的两倍，或至少长50%。继续这样呼吸，直到你注意到对你的生理、心理和情绪状态的镇静效果。
我们都知道，当我们疲惫和耗尽时，我们更容易被触发和反应。如果我们过度沉迷于咖啡因、酒精、糖、垃圾食品等，并且不照顾自己，我们很容易陷入基于恐惧和生存的反应性。答案是培养韧性。在身体、心理、情绪和精神上变得更健康和更有韧性是从成人状态生活的关键。我们可以通过所有常识性的方式照顾自己的身体、心理、情绪和精神来增加韧性。定期的正念练习增强或利用我们所有的自我护理实践，发展深厚的韧性储备，这样需要更多才能将我们从成人状态触发到某种反应模式，并且我们能够更快地恢复，释放触发以回到成人状态。
要成为有效的正念领导者，我们世界比以往任何时候都更需要的那种领导者，我们需要稳定在我们的成人状态中，并具有韧性，即使在面对非常重大的挑战时也能从回应-关系模式中运作。当情绪被触发时，我们需要能够快速恢复，并访问我们大脑中专注于当下、回应的部分，以便作为正念领导者，将我们最好的自我、经验和智慧带到我们的角色和与他人的互动中。
采取具身化的正念练习方法进一步增强了韧性。我们的整个身体都是感官的。我们所有的内部组织都是感官的。我们有一种称为内感受或内感受意识的能力。这是身体从内到外感受自己的能力，可以这么说。我们都熟悉内感受，因为这是我们知道自己何时口渴、饥饿、疲倦或需要使用洗手间的方式。体验肌肉或关节疼痛、消化不良或头痛都是内感受功能的例子。我们的内感受意识通常只在经历一些疼痛或不适，或者另一方面，身体愉悦时被激活。通过采取具身化的正念练习方法，我们可以发展更持久的内感受意识，转化为感觉存在、扎根……具身化。发展在我们日常活动中保持更锚定在深刻感受的、具身化的存在中的能力，不仅使我们更容易访问成人状态，而且对幸福和韧性有显著贡献。其他人也会体验到我们更存在和可用。事实上，新兴的人际神经生物学领域的研究指出了这种内感受意识与我们调谐和连接他人的能力之间的联系。内感受意识与我们与他人共情共鸣和亲密的能力相关。
虽然拥有身体意味着我们肯定会经历不适和疼痛，但我们的身体实际上是为快乐和幸福而设计的。事实上，我们越是能够作为成人拥抱我们身体和情感的具身化体验的整体性，并深化我们持久内感受意识的能力，我们就越能访问感受到活力和存在的快乐和幸福的当下体验。在当下，生活相当简单。只有当我们将自己投射到过去或未来，或者允许自己被基于恐惧和生存的反应性席卷时，它才会变得复杂。简单、普通、当下、具身化的存在一直是圣人和智者，以及像我们这样的普通正念领导者和实践者所体验的神秘意识和难以言喻的快乐的基础。有相当多的证据表明，定期的正念练习可以对我们以韧性、快乐和智慧领导的能力做出重大贡献……将生活和存在的快乐传递给我们遇到的每个人。
Fleet Maull博士是著名作家、教师，以及监狱正念研究所、参与正念研究所、公共安全正念中心和Windhorse研讨会与咨询的创始人和培训主任。
文章概要
本文探讨了如何通过正念练习来培养成人自我状态，从而更有效地应对成年生活的挑战。文章基于沟通分析心理学的父母-成人-儿童框架，解释了成人状态是基于当下客观评估的心理位置，而父母和儿童状态则源于童年早期的条件作用。正念练习可以帮助我们稳定在成人状态，减少基于过去恐惧和生存模式的反应性行为，并通过自我调节技巧（如吸管呼吸）增强心理韧性。文章还强调了具身化正念练习对内感受意识和人际连接的积极影响，最终促进以韧性、快乐和智慧领导生活。
高德明老师的评价
用12岁初中生可以听懂的语音来重复翻译的内容：这篇文章就像在说，我们每个人心里都有三个小人儿：一个是像爸爸妈妈那样爱管事的“父母小人”，一个是像小时候那样爱闹脾气的“儿童小人”，还有一个是像现在这样会冷静思考的“成人小人”。正念练习就像给“成人小人”加油，让它变得更强大，这样我们就能更好地处理生活中的事情，比如做作业、和朋友相处，而不是动不动就生气或害怕。文章还教了一个“吸管呼吸”的小游戏，可以帮助我们平静下来。
TA沟通分析心理学理论评价：从沟通分析心理学角度看，本文精准地应用了父母-成人-儿童自我状态理论来阐释正念练习的价值。文章强调了成人自我状态作为基于当下客观评估的心理位置，这与伯恩的原始理论一致，即成人状态是“以现实为基础的数据处理系统”。作者将正念视为访问和稳定成人状态的关键工具，这深化了理论在自我调节领域的应用。文章还区分了健康的与不健康的父母和儿童状态，展示了理论在理解内在动力方面的细腻性。通过将正念与自我状态整合，本文为沟通分析提供了现代实践视角，突出了理论在促进心理整合和减少反应性行为方面的潜力。
在实践上可以应用的领域和可以解决人们的十个问题：在实践上，本文内容可应用于多个领域，包括个人成长、职场领导力、教育辅导、心理健康干预和人际关系改善。具体可以解决人们的十个问题：1. 帮助人们在压力下保持冷静，减少冲动反应；2. 提升决策能力，基于当下事实而非过去情绪；3. 改善自我调节，管理焦虑和愤怒等情绪；4. 增强心理韧性，更快从挫折中恢复；5. 促进健康的人际互动，减少冲突；6. 支持领导力发展，以成人状态有效带领团队；7. 帮助个体识别和改变不健康的童年适应模式；8. 提升自我意识，更好地理解内在心理状态；9. 培养正念习惯，增强整体幸福感；10. 通过具身化练习深化身心连接，改善生活质量。