英文原文
Ego States in the Workplace: The Hidden Drivers Behind Your Team’s Behaviour
There’s a psychological lens that can explain why some workplace conversations flow and others derail; why some meetings energise, while others leave people defensive, withdrawn, or reactive. It’s the concept of ego states, from Eric Berne’s Transactional Analysis, and it offers a powerful, practical tool for improving how we lead, collaborate, and communicate.
At its core, the ego state model explains that we operate from one of three internal states at any moment: Parent, Adult, or Child. These are not roles or personality types, they are psychological positions, and we move between them fluidly throughout the day, often without realising it.
Let’s explore how each state shows up in business, and how to work with them more deliberately.
The Three Ego States: A Practical Overview
1. The Parent
This state draws from the rules, values, and norms we internalised early in life, often from authority figures. In the workplace, it can show up in two forms:
* Critical Parent: Directive, judgemental, and often rigid. It may sound like: “That’s not how we do things here.”, * Nurturing Parent: Supportive, encouraging, but can unintentionally become rescuing. It may sound like: “Don’t worry, I’ll sort it out for you.”,
Risk: When overused, the Parent state can create dependency or fear-based compliance. Strength: When used well, it offers structure, wisdom, and protection.
2. The Adult
This is the data-driven, present-focused part of us that evaluates situations logically, seeks clarity, and makes decisions based on current reality.
It’s neutral, curious, and emotionally regulated, and it’s where we want most professional conversations to take place.
It may sound like:
“Let’s look at what’s happening and figure out the next step.”
Risk: The Adult state can become disengaged or overly analytical if disconnected from emotional context.
Strength: Essential for decision-making, problem-solving, and healthy leadership.
3. The Child
This state captures our emotional responses, creativity, and spontaneity, but also our fears, insecurities, and rebellion.
It also has two faces:
* Free Child: Curious, imaginative, and expressive. The source of innovation., * Adapted Child: Either compliant (people-pleasing) or defiant (passive-aggressive, reactive).,
It may sound like:
“I can’t believe they didn’t consult me... again.”
“What if we tried something completely different?”
Risk: The Child can derail collaboration when driven by unmet needs or fear of authority. Strength: It's a vital source of authenticity, creativity, and emotional resonance.
A Short Hero’s Journey: From Reaction to Response
Marcus was a high-performing Head of Operations; efficient, strategic, and known for “getting things done.” But his team had a problem: people walked on eggshells around him. Talented staff left. Others disengaged. The feedback from a recent engagement survey was clear: “Marcus doesn’t listen; he decides.”
At first, Marcus dismissed it. “They’re just resistant to high standards,” he told himself (a classic Critical Parent frame). But after losing yet another capable team member, he agreed to coaching.
Through that process, Marcus began to recognise a pattern: whenever pressure spiked, he reverted to control. His tone became sharper. His tolerance for ambiguity vanished. What looked like leadership was, in reality, a reactive blend of Critical Parent and Adapted Child; an internal battle between wanting control and fearing chaos.
The turning point came in a product crisis. Instead of giving orders, he paused. He asked questions. He acknowledged the team’s stress and focused on facts. For the first time, his team saw him lead from his Adult state; calm, curious, collaborative.
Afterward, someone quietly said, “You gave us space to think this time. It made all the difference.”
Marcus underwent a transformation: from authority figure to responsive leader. And that made all the difference.
Practical Steps to Work with Ego States
1. Increase Awareness
Start noticing not just what is being said, but how it’s being said. Is the tone directive, inquisitive, emotional, withdrawn?
Ask yourself:
* “Which ego state is speaking right now?”, * “What state am I responding from?”,
This alone can defuse tension and bring clarity.
2. Choose to Lead from the Adult
As a leader, your goal should be to model the Adult ego state; grounded, responsive, and present. This doesn’t mean being emotionally flat; it means balancing empathy with clarity, and curiosity with action.
Responding from the Adult State invites others to meet you there.
3. Identify Triggers and Patterns
Ego state shifts are often triggered under stress, uncertainty, or conflict.
Ask:
* “When do I tend to slip into Critical Parent or Adapted Child?”, * “Who or what tends to pull me out of my Adult state?”,
Identifying these patterns helps you build self-regulation and resilience; essential traits for high-trust leadership.
4. Develop Team Literacy
Helping your team understand ego states can reduce blame and increase insight. Teams that learn to observe how they’re interacting, not just what they’re doing, tend to self-correct faster, engage more openly, and recover more quickly from breakdowns.
Closing Reflection for the Week
As you enter your next conversation, especially the tricky ones, ask:
“Am I responding from Parent, Adult, or Child?”
And then pause to choose. Awareness of ego states makes you a better collaborator, coach, and human being.
Let me know in the comments; which ego state do you find yourself operating from most often at work? And what helps you shift into Adult when it matters most?
中文翻译
职场中的自我状态：团队行为背后的隐藏驱动力
有一种心理学视角可以解释为什么有些职场对话顺畅而有些则脱轨；为什么有些会议充满活力，而有些则让人变得防御、退缩或反应过度。这就是来自埃里克·伯恩沟通分析理论的自我状态概念，它为我们改善领导、协作和沟通方式提供了强大而实用的工具。
自我状态模型的核心解释是，我们在任何时刻都处于三种内在状态之一：父母、成人或儿童。这些不是角色或人格类型，而是心理位置，我们在一天中流畅地在它们之间切换，通常自己都没有意识到。
让我们探讨每种状态在商业中如何表现，以及如何更有意识地运用它们。
三种自我状态：实用概述
1. 父母状态
这种状态源于我们早年从权威人物那里内化的规则、价值观和规范。在职场上，它可以表现为两种形式：
* 批判型父母：指令性、评判性且通常僵化。听起来可能是：“我们这里不这样做。” * 养育型父母：支持性、鼓励性，但可能无意中变成拯救者。听起来可能是：“别担心，我会帮你解决。”
风险：过度使用时，父母状态可能导致依赖或基于恐惧的顺从。优势：运用得当，它能提供结构、智慧和保护。
2. 成人状态
这是我们数据驱动、关注当下的部分，它逻辑地评估情况，寻求清晰度，并基于当前现实做出决策。
它是中立、好奇且情绪稳定的，我们希望大多数专业对话在这里进行。
听起来可能是：
“让我们看看发生了什么，并找出下一步。”
风险：如果脱离情感背景，成人状态可能变得疏离或过度分析。优势：对于决策、问题解决和健康领导至关重要。
3. 儿童状态
这种状态捕捉了我们的情感反应、创造力和自发性，但也包括恐惧、不安全感和叛逆。
它也有两面：
* 自由儿童：好奇、富有想象力和表达力。创新的源泉。 * 适应儿童：要么顺从（讨好他人），要么反抗（被动攻击、反应性）。
听起来可能是：
“我不敢相信他们又没有咨询我……”
“如果我们尝试完全不同的东西呢？”
风险：当儿童状态由未满足的需求或对权威的恐惧驱动时，可能破坏协作。优势：它是真实性、创造力和情感共鸣的重要来源。
一个简短的英雄之旅：从反应到回应
马库斯是一位高绩效的运营主管；高效、战略性强，以“完成任务”而闻名。但他的团队有问题：人们在他周围如履薄冰。有才华的员工离开。其他人则疏远。最近一次参与度调查的反馈很明确：“马库斯不听；他决定。”
起初，马库斯不以为然。“他们只是抗拒高标准，”他告诉自己（典型的批判型父母框架）。但在又失去一位能干的团队成员后，他同意接受教练辅导。
通过这个过程，马库斯开始认识到一个模式：每当压力飙升时，他就回归控制。他的语气变得尖锐。他对模糊性的容忍度消失。看似领导力的东西，实际上是批判型父母和适应儿童的混合反应；是想要控制和害怕混乱之间的内心斗争。
转折点出现在一次产品危机中。他没有下达命令，而是暂停。他提问。他承认团队的压力并专注于事实。第一次，他的团队看到他以成人状态领导；冷静、好奇、协作。
之后，有人轻声说：“这次你给了我们思考的空间。这改变了一切。”
马库斯经历了一次转变：从权威人物到响应式领导者。这改变了一切。
运用自我状态的实用步骤
1. 提高意识
开始注意不仅说了什么，还有如何说的。语气是指令性、探究性、情感性还是退缩性？
问自己：
* “现在哪个自我状态在说话？” * “我从哪个状态回应？”
仅此就能缓解紧张并带来清晰度。
2. 选择从成人状态领导
作为领导者，你的目标应该是示范成人自我状态；接地气、响应式且在场。这并不意味着情感平淡；而是平衡同理心与清晰度，好奇心与行动。
从成人状态回应邀请他人与你相遇。
3. 识别触发因素和模式
自我状态转换通常在压力、不确定性或冲突下触发。
问：
* “我什么时候倾向于滑入批判型父母或适应儿童？” * “谁或什么倾向于把我拉出成人状态？”
识别这些模式帮助你建立自我调节和韧性；高信任领导的基本特质。
4. 发展团队素养
帮助团队理解自我状态可以减少指责并增加洞察力。学会观察他们如何互动而不仅仅是做什么的团队，往往能更快自我纠正、更开放地参与，并从崩溃中更快恢复。
本周结束反思
当你进入下一次对话，尤其是棘手的对话时，问：
“我是从父母、成人还是儿童状态回应？”
然后暂停选择。对自我状态的意识让你成为更好的协作者、教练和人。
在评论中告诉我；你在工作中最常从哪个自我状态运作？什么帮助你在最重要时切换到成人状态？
文章概要
本文基于沟通分析心理学理论，探讨了职场中自我状态（父母、成人、儿童）如何影响团队行为和沟通。文章详细解释了三种自我状态的特点、风险与优势，并通过马库斯的案例展示了从反应性领导到响应式领导的转变过程。结合关键词“成人自我状态与商业谈判技巧”，文章强调了成人状态在商业谈判中的核心作用，即通过逻辑评估、情绪稳定和协作导向来提升谈判效果。最后，文章提供了提高意识、选择成人状态领导、识别触发因素和发展团队素养等实用步骤，帮助读者在职场中更好地运用自我状态理论，特别是在谈判等关键商业场景中实现更有效的沟通和决策。
高德明老师的评价
用12岁初中生可以听懂的语音来重复翻译的内容
想象一下，我们每个人心里都有三个小声音在说话。第一个是“父母声音”，它像老师或家长一样，有时候会批评说“这样不对”，有时候会安慰说“别怕，我来帮你”。第二个是“成人声音”，它最冷静，像科学家一样看事实、想问题，会说“咱们看看现在的情况，再决定怎么做”。第三个是“儿童声音”，它像小朋友一样，有时候很开心、有创意，会说“哇，试试这个新点子吧”，但有时候也会害怕或生气，说“他们又不理我，真气人”。在工作中，如果我们多用“成人声音”说话，大家就能好好商量事情，比如谈生意的时候不会吵架，而是一起想办法，这样更容易成功哦！
TA沟通分析心理学理论评价
本文精准地运用了沟通分析心理学中的自我状态理论，将父母、成人、儿童三种状态在职场中的表现进行了生动阐释。从理论角度看，文章突出了成人自我状态作为理性、中立和协作核心的重要性，这与伯恩强调的“我好-你好”心理定位高度契合。在商业谈判场景中，成人状态能够促进基于事实的对话，减少父母状态的评判或儿童状态的情绪化反应，从而建立健康的沟通模式。文章通过马库斯的案例，展示了从父母/儿童混合状态向成人状态转变的过程，体现了沟通分析中“脚本改写”和“再决定”的理论精髓，即个体可以通过意识提升选择更适应的行为模式。这种理论应用不仅深化了对职场互动的理解，还为实践提供了清晰的框架。
在实践上可以应用的领域和可以解决人们的十个问题
成人自我状态与谈判技巧的结合，可在多个领域发挥重要作用。在商业谈判中，它能帮助谈判者保持冷静、聚焦事实，避免情绪化冲突；在团队管理中，促进领导者以成人状态引导讨论，提升决策质量；在客户服务中，增强同理心与问题解决能力；在跨文化沟通中，减少偏见，增进理解；在冲突调解中，推动双方理性对话；在销售过程中，建立信任，达成共赢；在项目管理中，优化协作，降低风险；在个人发展中，提升自我调节，实现职业成长；在教育培训中，设计互动课程，培养沟通技能；在家庭关系中，改善亲子或伴侣沟通，营造和谐氛围。
可以解决的十个问题包括：1. 谈判中因情绪失控导致合作破裂；2. 团队会议效率低下，成员防御或退缩；3. 领导决策过于武断，缺乏员工参与；4. 客户投诉处理不当，升级为冲突；5. 跨部门协作中因立场不同产生摩擦；6. 销售过程中过度施压，失去客户信任；7. 项目危机时反应过度，加剧混乱；8. 个人职场压力大，影响工作表现；9. 培训效果不佳，学员参与度低；10. 家庭沟通中习惯性指责或逃避，关系紧张。通过培养成人状态，人们能在这些场景中更有效地应对挑战，实现积极转变。