英文原文
Ego States in the Workplace: The Hidden Drivers Behind Your Team’s Behaviour
There’s a psychological lens that can explain why some workplace conversations flow and others derail; why some meetings energise, while others leave people defensive, withdrawn, or reactive. It’s the concept of ego states, from Eric Berne’s Transactional Analysis, and it offers a powerful, practical tool for improving how we lead, collaborate, and communicate.
At its core, the ego state model explains that we operate from one of three internal states at any moment: Parent, Adult, or Child. These are not roles or personality types, they are psychological positions, and we move between them fluidly throughout the day, often without realising it.
Let’s explore how each state shows up in business, and how to work with them more deliberately.
The Three Ego States: A Practical Overview
1. The Parent
This state draws from the rules, values, and norms we internalised early in life, often from authority figures. In the workplace, it can show up in two forms:
* Critical Parent: Directive, judgemental, and often rigid. It may sound like: “That’s not how we do things here.”, * Nurturing Parent: Supportive, encouraging, but can unintentionally become rescuing. It may sound like: “Don’t worry, I’ll sort it out for you.”,
Risk: When overused, the Parent state can create dependency or fear-based compliance. Strength: When used well, it offers structure, wisdom, and protection.
2. The Adult
This is the data-driven, present-focused part of us that evaluates situations logically, seeks clarity, and makes decisions based on current reality.
It’s neutral, curious, and emotionally regulated, and it’s where we want most professional conversations to take place.
It may sound like:
“Let’s look at what’s happening and figure out the next step.”
Risk: The Adult state can become disengaged or overly analytical if disconnected from emotional context.
Strength: Essential for decision-making, problem-solving, and healthy leadership.
3. The Child
This state captures our emotional responses, creativity, and spontaneity, but also our fears, insecurities, and rebellion.
It also has two faces:
* Free Child: Curious, imaginative, and expressive. The source of innovation., * Adapted Child: Either compliant (people-pleasing) or defiant (passive-aggressive, reactive).,
It may sound like:
“I can’t believe they didn’t consult me... again.”
“What if we tried something completely different?”
Risk: The Child can derail collaboration when driven by unmet needs or fear of authority. Strength: It's a vital source of authenticity, creativity, and emotional resonance.
A Short Hero’s Journey: From Reaction to Response
Marcus was a high-performing Head of Operations; efficient, strategic, and known for “getting things done.” But his team had a problem: people walked on eggshells around him. Talented staff left. Others disengaged. The feedback from a recent engagement survey was clear: “Marcus doesn’t listen; he decides.”
At first, Marcus dismissed it. “They’re just resistant to high standards,” he told himself (a classic Critical Parent frame). But after losing yet another capable team member, he agreed to coaching.
Through that process, Marcus began to recognise a pattern: whenever pressure spiked, he reverted to control. His tone became sharper. His tolerance for ambiguity vanished. What looked like leadership was, in reality, a reactive blend of Critical Parent and Adapted Child; an internal battle between wanting control and fearing chaos.
The turning point came in a product crisis. Instead of giving orders, he paused. He asked questions. He acknowledged the team’s stress and focused on facts. For the first time, his team saw him lead from his Adult state; calm, curious, collaborative.
Afterward, someone quietly said, “You gave us space to think this time. It made all the difference.”
Marcus underwent a transformation: from authority figure to responsive leader. And that made all the difference.
Practical Steps to Work with Ego States
1. Increase Awareness
Start noticing not just what is being said, but how it’s being said. Is the tone directive, inquisitive, emotional, withdrawn?
Ask yourself:
* “Which ego state is speaking right now?”, * “What state am I responding from?”,
This alone can defuse tension and bring clarity.
2. Choose to Lead from the Adult
As a leader, your goal should be to model the Adult ego state; grounded, responsive, and present. This doesn’t mean being emotionally flat; it means balancing empathy with clarity, and curiosity with action.
Responding from the Adult State invites others to meet you there.
3. Identify Triggers and Patterns
Ego state shifts are often triggered under stress, uncertainty, or conflict.
Ask:
* “When do I tend to slip into Critical Parent or Adapted Child?”, * “Who or what tends to pull me out of my Adult state?”,
Identifying these patterns helps you build self-regulation and resilience; essential traits for high-trust leadership.
4. Develop Team Literacy
Helping your team understand ego states can reduce blame and increase insight. Teams that learn to observe how they’re interacting, not just what they’re doing, tend to self-correct faster, engage more openly, and recover more quickly from breakdowns.
Closing Reflection for the Week
As you enter your next conversation, especially the tricky ones, ask:
“Am I responding from Parent, Adult, or Child?”
And then pause to choose. Awareness of ego states makes you a better collaborator, coach, and human being.
Let me know in the comments; which ego state do you find yourself operating from most often at work? And what helps you shift into Adult when it matters most?
中文翻译
职场中的自我状态：团队行为背后的隐藏驱动力
有一种心理学视角可以解释为什么有些职场对话顺畅而有些却脱轨；为什么有些会议充满活力，而有些却让人变得防御、退缩或反应过度。这就是来自埃里克·伯恩沟通分析理论的自我状态概念，它为我们改善领导、协作和沟通方式提供了强大而实用的工具。
自我状态模型的核心解释是，我们在任何时刻都从三种内在状态之一运作：父母、成人或儿童。这些不是角色或人格类型，而是心理位置，我们整天在它们之间流畅地切换，通常自己都没有意识到。
让我们探讨每种状态在商业中如何表现，以及如何更有意识地运用它们。
三种自我状态：实用概述
1. 父母状态
这种状态源于我们早年从权威人物那里内化的规则、价值观和规范。在职场上，它可以表现为两种形式：
* 批判型父母：指令性、评判性且常常僵化。听起来可能像：“我们这里不是这样做的。” * 养育型父母：支持性、鼓励性，但可能无意中变成拯救者。听起来可能像：“别担心，我会帮你解决。”
风险：过度使用时，父母状态可能产生依赖或基于恐惧的顺从。优势：运用得当，它能提供结构、智慧和保护。
2. 成人状态
这是我们数据驱动、关注当下的部分，它逻辑地评估情况，寻求清晰度，并基于当前现实做出决策。
它是中立、好奇且情绪稳定的，我们希望大多数专业对话在这里进行。
听起来可能像：
“让我们看看发生了什么，然后决定下一步。”
风险：如果脱离情感背景，成人状态可能变得疏离或过度分析。优势：对于决策、问题解决和健康领导至关重要。
3. 儿童状态
这种状态捕捉我们的情感反应、创造力和自发性，但也包括我们的恐惧、不安全感和叛逆。
它也有两面：
* 自由儿童：好奇、富有想象力和表达力。创新的源泉。 * 适应儿童：要么顺从（讨好他人），要么反抗（被动攻击、反应性）。
听起来可能像：
“我不敢相信他们又没有咨询我...又一次。”
“如果我们尝试完全不同的东西会怎样？”
风险：当儿童状态由未满足的需求或对权威的恐惧驱动时，它可能破坏协作。优势：它是真实性、创造力和情感共鸣的重要来源。
一个简短的英雄之旅：从反应到回应
马库斯是一位高绩效的运营主管；高效、战略性强，以“完成任务”而闻名。但他的团队有个问题：人们在他周围如履薄冰。有才华的员工离开。其他人则疏离。最近一次参与度调查的反馈很明确：“马库斯不倾听；他做决定。”
起初，马库斯不以为然。“他们只是抗拒高标准，”他告诉自己（典型的批判型父母框架）。但在又失去一位能干的团队成员后，他同意接受教练辅导。
通过这个过程，马库斯开始认识到一个模式：每当压力飙升时，他就回归控制。他的语气变得尖锐。他对模糊性的容忍度消失。看似领导力的东西，实际上是批判型父母和适应儿童的混合反应；一场想要控制与害怕混乱之间的内心斗争。
转折点出现在一次产品危机中。他没有下达命令，而是暂停。他提出问题。他承认团队的压力并专注于事实。第一次，他的团队看到他以成人状态领导；冷静、好奇、协作。
之后，有人轻声说：“这次你给了我们思考的空间。这改变了一切。”
马库斯经历了一次转变：从权威人物到回应型领导者。而这改变了一切。
运用自我状态的实用步骤
1. 提高意识
开始注意不仅说了什么，还有如何说的。语气是指令性、探究性、情感性还是退缩性？
问自己：
* “现在哪个自我状态在说话？” * “我从哪个状态回应？”
仅此就能缓解紧张并带来清晰度。
2. 选择从成人状态领导
作为领导者，你的目标应该是示范成人自我状态；接地气、回应性强且在场。这并不意味着情感平淡；而是平衡同理心与清晰度，好奇心与行动。
从成人状态回应邀请他人与你相遇。
3. 识别触发因素和模式
自我状态转换通常在压力、不确定性或冲突下触发。
问：
* “我什么时候容易滑入批判型父母或适应儿童？” * “谁或什么容易把我拉出成人状态？”
识别这些模式帮助你建立自我调节和韧性；高信任领导力的关键特质。
4. 发展团队素养
帮助团队理解自我状态可以减少指责并增加洞察力。学会观察他们如何互动而不仅仅是做什么的团队，往往能更快自我纠正，更开放地参与，并从崩溃中更快恢复。
本周结束反思
当你进入下一次对话，尤其是棘手的对话时，问：
“我是从父母、成人还是儿童状态回应？”
然后暂停选择。对自我状态的意识让你成为更好的协作者、教练和人。
在评论中告诉我；你在工作中最常从哪种自我状态运作？当最重要时，什么帮助你切换到成人状态？
文章概要
本文基于沟通分析心理学理论，探讨了自我状态（父母、成人、儿童）在职场中的表现和影响。文章通过案例说明，成人自我状态在领导、协作和沟通中的关键作用，特别是在活动策划协调等专业场景中，成人状态能促进冷静、好奇和协作的互动。文章还提供了实用步骤，如提高意识、选择成人状态领导、识别触发因素和发展团队素养，以帮助读者更好地运用自我状态理论改善职场行为。
高德明老师的评价
用12岁初中生可以听懂的语音来重复翻译的内容
这篇文章讲的是我们在工作的时候，心里有三种不同的状态，就像三个小人在说话。一个是“父母小人”，它喜欢告诉别人该怎么做，有时候很严格，有时候很关心人。一个是“成人小人”，它很冷静，喜欢看事实，然后一起想办法。还有一个是“儿童小人”，它很情绪化，有时候很创意，有时候会生气或害怕。文章说，如果我们多用“成人小人”的状态，比如在组织活动的时候，大家就能更好地合作，不会吵架，把事情做得更好。就像故事里的马库斯，他一开始总是命令别人，后来学会了先问问题、听大家说，结果团队变得更开心、更有效率了。
TA沟通分析心理学理论评价
这篇文章精准地应用了沟通分析心理学中的自我状态理论，展现了父母、成人和儿童状态在职场互动中的动态影响。文章强调了成人自我状态的核心价值，即基于现实、逻辑和情感调节的沟通方式，这与伯恩理论中“成人”作为健康互动基石的理念高度一致。通过马库斯的案例，文章生动地演示了从反应性（批判型父母和适应儿童的混合）到回应性（成人状态主导）的转变过程，这体现了沟通分析理论中“脚本”重写和“再决定”的可能性。文章还提供了具体的实践步骤，如提高意识、识别触发因素等，这些都与沟通分析的治疗目标——增强自主性和改善人际关系——相契合。整体上，文章成功地将理论转化为可操作的职场工具，突出了成人状态在促进协作、减少冲突和提升领导效能方面的潜力。
在实践上可以应用的领域和可以解决人们的十个问题
在实践上，成人自我状态理论可以广泛应用于多个领域，特别是在活动策划和协调中，它能帮助解决以下十个问题：1. 在活动策划会议中，减少因批判型父母状态导致的僵化决策，促进更开放的讨论。2. 在团队协作时，避免适应儿童状态引发的被动攻击行为，增强直接沟通。3. 在应对活动突发危机时，如供应商问题或天气变化，使用成人状态保持冷静和逻辑分析。4. 在领导活动团队时，防止养育型父母状态造成的过度干预，培养团队自主性。5. 在协调不同部门时，减少自由儿童状态的情绪化反应，确保专业合作。6. 在客户沟通中，避免批判型父母状态的评判性语言，提升服务体验。7. 在活动执行压力下，识别触发因素，防止滑入反应性状态，保持高效。8. 在团队冲突解决中，运用成人状态促进同理心和清晰对话。9. 在活动创新策划中，平衡自由儿童的创意与成人状态的可行性评估。10. 在个人职业发展中，通过自我状态意识提升领导力和协作技能，实现持续成长。