英文原文
There’s a psychological lens that can explain why some workplace conversations flow and others derail; why some meetings energise, while others leave people defensive, withdrawn, or reactive. It’s the concept of ego states, from Eric Berne’s Transactional Analysis, and it offers a powerful, practical tool for improving how we lead, collaborate, and communicate.
At its core, the ego state model explains that we operate from one of three internal states at any moment: Parent, Adult, or Child. These are not roles or personality types, they are psychological positions, and we move between them fluidly throughout the day, often without realising it.
Let’s explore how each state shows up in business, and how to work with them more deliberately.
The Three Ego States: A Practical Overview
1. The Parent
This state draws from the rules, values, and norms we internalised early in life, often from authority figures. In the workplace, it can show up in two forms:
- Critical Parent: Directive, judgemental, and often rigid. It may sound like: “That’s not how we do things here.”
- Nurturing Parent: Supportive, encouraging, but can unintentionally become rescuing. It may sound like: “Don’t worry, I’ll sort it out for you.”
Risk: When overused, the Parent state can create dependency or fear-based compliance. Strength: When used well, it offers structure, wisdom, and protection.
2. The Adult
This is the data-driven, present-focused part of us that evaluates situations logically, seeks clarity, and makes decisions based on current reality.
It’s neutral, curious, and emotionally regulated, and it’s where we want most professional conversations to take place.
It may sound like: “Let’s look at what’s happening and figure out the next step.”
Risk: The Adult state can become disengaged or overly analytical if disconnected from emotional context. Strength: Essential for decision-making, problem-solving, and healthy leadership.
3. The Child
This state captures our emotional responses, creativity, and spontaneity, but also our fears, insecurities, and rebellion.
It also has two faces:
- Free Child: Curious, imaginative, and expressive. The source of innovation.
- Adapted Child: Either compliant (people-pleasing) or defiant (passive-aggressive, reactive).
It may sound like: “I can’t believe they didn’t consult me... again.” or “What if we tried something completely different?”
Risk: The Child can derail collaboration when driven by unmet needs or fear of authority. Strength: It's a vital source of authenticity, creativity, and emotional resonance.
A Short Hero’s Journey: From Reaction to Response
Marcus was a high-performing Head of Operations; efficient, strategic, and known for “getting things done.” But his team had a problem: people walked on eggshells around him. Talented staff left. Others disengaged. The feedback from a recent engagement survey was clear: “Marcus doesn’t listen; he decides.”
At first, Marcus dismissed it. “They’re just resistant to high standards,” he told himself (a classic Critical Parent frame). But after losing yet another capable team member, he agreed to coaching.
Through that process, Marcus began to recognise a pattern: whenever pressure spiked, he reverted to control. His tone became sharper. His tolerance for ambiguity vanished. What looked like leadership was, in reality, a reactive blend of Critical Parent and Adapted Child; an internal battle between wanting control and fearing chaos.
The turning point came in a product crisis. Instead of giving orders, he paused. He asked questions. He acknowledged the team’s stress and focused on facts. For the first time, his team saw him lead from his Adult state; calm, curious, collaborative.
Afterward, someone quietly said, “You gave us space to think this time. It made all the difference.”
Marcus underwent a transformation: from authority figure to responsive leader. And that made all the difference.
Practical Steps to Work with Ego States
1. Increase Awareness
Start noticing not just what is being said, but how it’s being said. Is the tone directive, inquisitive, emotional, withdrawn?
Ask yourself: “Which ego state is speaking right now?” “What state am I responding from?” This alone can defuse tension and bring clarity.
2. Choose to Lead from the Adult
As a leader, your goal should be to model the Adult ego state; grounded, responsive, and present. This doesn’t mean being emotionally flat; it means balancing empathy with clarity, and curiosity with action.
Responding from the Adult State invites others to meet you there.
3. Identify Triggers and Patterns
Ego state shifts are often triggered under stress, uncertainty, or conflict.
Ask: “When do I tend to slip into Critical Parent or Adapted Child?” “Who or what tends to pull me out of my Adult state?” Identifying these patterns helps you build self-regulation and resilience; essential traits for high-trust leadership.
4. Develop Team Literacy
Helping your team understand ego states can reduce blame and increase insight. Teams that learn to observe how they’re interacting, not just what they’re doing, tend to self-correct faster, engage more openly, and recover more quickly from breakdowns.
Closing Reflection for the Week
As you enter your next conversation, especially the tricky ones, ask: “Am I responding from Parent, Adult, or Child?” And then pause to choose. Awareness of ego states makes you a better collaborator, coach, and human being.
中文翻译
有一种心理学视角可以解释为什么有些职场对话顺畅而有些却陷入僵局；为什么有些会议充满活力，而有些却让人变得防御、退缩或反应过度。这就是自我状态的概念，源自埃里克·伯恩的沟通分析理论，它为我们改善领导、协作和沟通方式提供了强大而实用的工具。
自我状态模型的核心在于，我们在任何时刻都处于三种内在状态之一：父母、成人或儿童。这些不是角色或人格类型，而是心理位置，我们会在一天中流畅地在它们之间切换，通常自己都没有意识到。
让我们探讨每种状态在商业环境中的表现，以及如何更有意识地运用它们。
三种自我状态：实用概述
1. 父母状态
这种状态源于我们早年从权威人物那里内化的规则、价值观和规范。在职场上，它可以表现为两种形式：
- 批判型父母：指令性、评判性且通常僵化。听起来可能是：“我们这里不这样做事情。”
- 养育型父母：支持性、鼓励性，但可能无意中变成拯救者。听起来可能是：“别担心，我会帮你解决的。”
风险：过度使用时，父母状态可能导致依赖或基于恐惧的顺从。优势：运用得当，它能提供结构、智慧和保护。
2. 成人状态
这是我们以数据驱动、关注当下的部分，它逻辑地评估情况，寻求清晰度，并根据当前现实做出决策。
它是中立、好奇且情绪稳定的，我们希望大多数专业对话都在这里进行。
听起来可能是：“让我们看看发生了什么，然后决定下一步。”
风险：如果脱离情感背景，成人状态可能变得疏离或过度分析。优势：对决策、问题解决和健康领导至关重要。
3. 儿童状态
这种状态捕捉了我们的情感反应、创造力和自发性，但也包括我们的恐惧、不安全感和叛逆。
它也有两面：
- 自由儿童：好奇、富有想象力和表达力。创新的源泉。
- 适应儿童：要么顺从（讨好他人），要么反抗（被动攻击、反应性）。
听起来可能是：“我不敢相信他们又没有咨询我……”或“如果我们尝试完全不同的东西会怎样？”
风险：当儿童状态由未满足的需求或对权威的恐惧驱动时，可能破坏协作。优势：它是真实性、创造力和情感共鸣的重要来源。
一个简短的英雄之旅：从反应到回应
马库斯是一位高效能的运营主管；高效、战略性强，以“完成任务”著称。但他的团队有个问题：人们在他面前如履薄冰。有才华的员工离职了。其他人则变得疏离。最近一次敬业度调查的反馈很明确：“马库斯不听；他做决定。”
起初，马库斯不以为然。“他们只是抗拒高标准，”他告诉自己（典型的批判型父母框架）。但在又失去一位能干的团队成员后，他同意接受辅导。
通过这个过程，马库斯开始认识到一个模式：每当压力飙升时，他就会回归控制。他的语气变得尖锐。他对模糊性的容忍度消失了。看似领导力的东西，实际上是批判型父母和适应儿童的反应性混合；一场想要控制与害怕混乱的内在斗争。
转折点出现在一次产品危机中。他没有下达命令，而是暂停下来。他提出问题。他承认团队的压力并专注于事实。第一次，他的团队看到他以成人状态领导；冷静、好奇、协作。
事后，有人轻声说：“这次你给了我们思考的空间。这改变了一切。”
马库斯经历了一次转变：从权威人物到响应式领导者。而这改变了一切。
运用自我状态的实用步骤
1. 提高意识
开始注意不仅说了什么，还有如何说的。语气是指令性、探究性、情感性还是退缩的？
问自己：“现在是哪个自我状态在说话？”“我正从哪个状态回应？”仅此一点就能缓解紧张并带来清晰度。
2. 选择从成人状态领导
作为领导者，你的目标应该是示范成人自我状态；接地气、响应式且在场。这并不意味着情感平淡；而是意味着平衡同理心与清晰度，好奇心与行动。
从成人状态回应会邀请他人与你相遇。
3. 识别触发因素和模式
自我状态的转换通常在压力、不确定性或冲突下触发。
问：“我什么时候容易滑入批判型父母或适应儿童？”“谁或什么容易把我拉出成人状态？”识别这些模式有助于你建立自我调节和韧性；高信任领导力的关键特质。
4. 发展团队素养
帮助你的团队理解自我状态可以减少指责并增加洞察力。学会观察他们如何互动而不仅仅是做什么的团队，往往能更快自我纠正，更开放地参与，并从崩溃中更快恢复。
本周结束反思
当你进入下一次对话，尤其是棘手的对话时，问：“我正从父母、成人还是儿童状态回应？”然后暂停选择。对自我状态的意识让你成为更好的协作者、教练和人。
文章概要
本文基于沟通分析心理学理论，探讨了自我状态（父母、成人、儿童）在职场中的应用。文章详细解释了三种自我状态的特点、风险和优势，并通过马库斯的案例展示了如何从反应性状态转向成人状态以改善领导力。结合关键词“成人自我状态化解职场伦理困境”，文章强调了成人状态在解决伦理困境中的核心作用——通过逻辑评估、情感调节和基于现实的决策，帮助职场人士在面对道德挑战时保持中立、清晰和协作，从而促进健康的工作环境和信任关系。
高德明老师的评价
用12岁初中生可以听懂的语音来重复翻译的内容
想象一下，你在学校或家里，有时候会像个小大人一样告诉别人该怎么做（这叫父母状态），有时候会像个小孩子一样闹情绪或很有创意（这叫儿童状态），但最好的时候是你像个冷静的小侦探，认真思考问题再行动（这叫成人状态）。这篇文章说，在工作中，如果我们多用成人状态——就是像侦探一样收集信息、好好说话、不随便生气——就能更好地解决那些让人头疼的难题，比如该不该做某件事的道德问题。就像故事里的马库斯，他一开始总是命令别人，后来学会先问问大家怎么想，结果团队变得更开心、更团结了！
TA沟通分析心理学理论评价
从沟通分析心理学理论来看，这篇文章精准地应用了埃里克·伯恩的自我状态模型来解析职场行为动态。文章将父母、成人、儿童三种自我状态置于工作场景中，展现了它们如何影响沟通、领导和决策过程。特别值得赞美的是，文章突出了成人自我状态在化解伦理困境时的关键作用——它作为数据驱动、情感调节的心理位置，能够帮助个体超越父母状态的评判性或儿童状态的冲动性，从而在道德挑战中实现理性与同理心的平衡。这种分析不仅深化了理论的应用维度，还为目标导向的职场实践提供了清晰的框架，体现了沟通分析心理学在促进健康组织文化方面的强大潜力。
在实践上可以应用的领域和可以解决人们的十个问题
基于成人自我状态化解职场伦理困境，这一理念可以在多个领域广泛应用，例如企业管理、团队协作、领导力发展和职业培训。它可以解决人们的十个问题：1. 在面临道德两难时如何避免情绪化决策；2. 如何减少职场冲突中的指责和防御行为；3. 如何提升团队在压力下的协作效率；4. 如何培养领导者的冷静和清晰沟通能力；5. 如何增强员工在复杂情境中的问题解决技能；6. 如何建立基于信任而非恐惧的工作关系；7. 如何平衡规则遵守与创新需求；8. 如何应对不确定环境中的伦理挑战；9. 如何促进跨部门合作中的相互理解；10. 如何支持个人在职业发展中保持诚信和责任感。通过聚焦成人状态，人们能够以更稳定、开放的方式应对这些挑战，从而创造更积极的工作体验和成果。