英文原文
There’s a psychological lens that can explain why some workplace conversations flow and others derail; why some meetings energise, while others leave people defensive, withdrawn, or reactive. It’s the concept of ego states, from Eric Berne’s Transactional Analysis, and it offers a powerful, practical tool for improving how we lead, collaborate, and communicate.
At its core, the ego state model explains that we operate from one of three internal states at any moment: Parent, Adult, or Child. These are not roles or personality types, they are psychological positions, and we move between them fluidly throughout the day, often without realising it.
Let’s explore how each state shows up in business, and how to work with them more deliberately.
The Three Ego States: A Practical Overview
1. The Parent
This state draws from the rules, values, and norms we internalised early in life, often from authority figures. In the workplace, it can show up in two forms:
* Critical Parent: Directive, judgemental, and often rigid. It may sound like: “That’s not how we do things here.”, * Nurturing Parent: Supportive, encouraging, but can unintentionally become rescuing. It may sound like: “Don’t worry, I’ll sort it out for you.”,
Risk: When overused, the Parent state can create dependency or fear-based compliance. Strength: When used well, it offers structure, wisdom, and protection.
2. The Adult
This is the data-driven, present-focused part of us that evaluates situations logically, seeks clarity, and makes decisions based on current reality.
It’s neutral, curious, and emotionally regulated, and it’s where we want most professional conversations to take place.
It may sound like:
“Let’s look at what’s happening and figure out the next step.”
Risk: The Adult state can become disengaged or overly analytical if disconnected from emotional context.
Strength: Essential for decision-making, problem-solving, and healthy leadership.
3. The Child
This state captures our emotional responses, creativity, and spontaneity, but also our fears, insecurities, and rebellion.
It also has two faces:
* Free Child: Curious, imaginative, and expressive. The source of innovation., * Adapted Child: Either compliant (people-pleasing) or defiant (passive-aggressive, reactive).,
It may sound like:
“I can’t believe they didn’t consult me... again.”
“What if we tried something completely different?”
Risk: The Child can derail collaboration when driven by unmet needs or fear of authority. Strength: It's a vital source of authenticity, creativity, and emotional resonance.
A Short Hero’s Journey: From Reaction to Response
Marcus was a high-performing Head of Operations; efficient, strategic, and known for “getting things done.” But his team had a problem: people walked on eggshells around him. Talented staff left. Others disengaged. The feedback from a recent engagement survey was clear: “Marcus doesn’t listen; he decides.”
At first, Marcus dismissed it. “They’re just resistant to high standards,” he told himself (a classic Critical Parent frame). But after losing yet another capable team member, he agreed to coaching.
Through that process, Marcus began to recognise a pattern: whenever pressure spiked, he reverted to control. His tone became sharper. His tolerance for ambiguity vanished. What looked like leadership was, in reality, a reactive blend of Critical Parent and Adapted Child; an internal battle between wanting control and fearing chaos.
The turning point came in a product crisis. Instead of giving orders, he paused. He asked questions. He acknowledged the team’s stress and focused on facts. For the first time, his team saw him lead from his Adult state; calm, curious, collaborative.
Afterward, someone quietly said, “You gave us space to think this time. It made all the difference.”
Marcus underwent a transformation: from authority figure to responsive leader. And that made all the difference.
Practical Steps to Work with Ego States
1. Increase Awareness
Start noticing not just what is being said, but how it’s being said. Is the tone directive, inquisitive, emotional, withdrawn?
Ask yourself:
* “Which ego state is speaking right now?”, * “What state am I responding from?”,
This alone can defuse tension and bring clarity.
2. Choose to Lead from the Adult
As a leader, your goal should be to model the Adult ego state; grounded, responsive, and present. This doesn’t mean being emotionally flat; it means balancing empathy with clarity, and curiosity with action.
Responding from the Adult State invites others to meet you there.
3. Identify Triggers and Patterns
Ego state shifts are often triggered under stress, uncertainty, or conflict.
Ask:
* “When do I tend to slip into Critical Parent or Adapted Child?”, * “Who or what tends to pull me out of my Adult state?”,
Identifying these patterns helps you build self-regulation and resilience; essential traits for high-trust leadership.
4. Develop Team Literacy
Helping your team understand ego states can reduce blame and increase insight. Teams that learn to observe how they’re interacting, not just what they’re doing, tend to self-correct faster, engage more openly, and recover more quickly from breakdowns.
Closing Reflection for the Week
As you enter your next conversation, especially the tricky ones, ask:
“Am I responding from Parent, Adult, or Child?”
And then pause to choose. Awareness of ego states makes you a better collaborator, coach, and human being.
Let me know in the comments; which ego state do you find yourself operating from most often at work? And what helps you shift into Adult when it matters most?
中文翻译
有一种心理学视角可以解释为什么有些职场对话顺畅而有些却脱轨；为什么有些会议充满活力，而有些却让人变得防御、退缩或反应过度。这就是自我状态的概念，源自埃里克·伯恩的沟通分析心理学，它为我们改善领导、协作和沟通方式提供了一个强大而实用的工具。
自我状态模型的核心解释是，我们在任何时刻都从三种内在状态之一运作：父母、成人或儿童。这些不是角色或人格类型，而是心理位置，我们在一天中流畅地在它们之间切换，常常没有意识到。
让我们探讨每种状态在商业中如何表现，以及如何更有意识地运用它们。
三种自我状态：实用概述
1. 父母状态
这种状态源于我们早年从权威人物那里内化的规则、价值观和规范。在职场上，它可以表现为两种形式：
* 批判型父母：指令性、评判性且常常僵化。听起来可能像：“这里不是这样做的。” * 养育型父母：支持性、鼓励性，但可能无意中变成拯救者。听起来可能像：“别担心，我会帮你解决。”
风险：过度使用时，父母状态可能导致依赖或基于恐惧的顺从。优势：运用得当，它能提供结构、智慧和保护。
2. 成人状态
这是数据驱动、关注当下的部分，它逻辑地评估情况，寻求清晰度，并基于当前现实做出决策。
它是中立、好奇且情绪稳定的，我们希望大多数专业对话在这里进行。
听起来可能像：
“让我们看看发生了什么，并找出下一步。”
风险：如果脱离情感背景，成人状态可能变得疏离或过度分析。优势：对决策、问题解决和健康领导至关重要。
3. 儿童状态
这种状态捕捉我们的情感反应、创造力和自发性，但也包括恐惧、不安全感和叛逆。
它也有两面：
* 自由儿童：好奇、富有想象力和表达力。创新的源泉。 * 适应儿童：要么顺从（讨好他人），要么反抗（被动攻击、反应过度）。
听起来可能像：
“我不敢相信他们又没有咨询我...又一次。”
“如果我们尝试完全不同的东西会怎样？”
风险：当儿童状态由未满足的需求或对权威的恐惧驱动时，可能破坏协作。优势：它是真实性、创造力和情感共鸣的重要来源。
一个简短的英雄之旅：从反应到回应
马库斯是一位高效能的运营主管；高效、战略性强，以“完成任务”著称。但他的团队有问题：人们在他周围如履薄冰。有才华的员工离开。其他人疏离。最近一次参与度调查的反馈很明确：“马库斯不倾听；他决定。”
起初，马库斯不以为然。“他们只是抗拒高标准，”他告诉自己（典型的批判型父母框架）。但在失去另一位有能力的团队成员后，他同意接受教练。
通过这个过程，马库斯开始认识到一个模式：每当压力飙升时，他就回归控制。他的语气变得尖锐。他对模糊性的容忍度消失。看似领导力的东西，实际上是批判型父母和适应儿童的混合反应；一场想要控制和害怕混乱的内在斗争。
转折点出现在一次产品危机中。他没有下达命令，而是暂停。他提问。他承认团队的压力并专注于事实。第一次，他的团队看到他以成人状态领导；冷静、好奇、协作。
之后，有人轻声说：“这次你给了我们思考的空间。这改变了一切。”
马库斯经历了一次转变：从权威人物到回应型领导者。这改变了一切。
运用自我状态的实用步骤
1. 提高意识
开始注意不仅说了什么，还有怎么说。语气是指令性、探究性、情感性还是退缩性？
问自己：
* “现在哪个自我状态在说话？” * “我从哪个状态回应？”
仅此就能缓解紧张并带来清晰度。
2. 选择从成人状态领导
作为领导者，你的目标应该是示范成人自我状态；接地气、回应性强且在场。这并不意味着情感平淡；而是平衡同理心与清晰度，好奇心与行动。
从成人状态回应邀请他人与你相遇。
3. 识别触发因素和模式
自我状态转换通常在压力、不确定性或冲突下触发。
问：
* “我什么时候倾向于滑入批判型父母或适应儿童？” * “谁或什么倾向于把我拉出成人状态？”
识别这些模式帮助你建立自我调节和韧性；高信任领导的基本特质。
4. 发展团队素养
帮助你的团队理解自我状态可以减少指责并增加洞察力。学会观察他们如何互动，而不仅仅是做什么的团队，往往能更快自我纠正，更开放地参与，并从崩溃中更快恢复。
本周结束反思
当你进入下一次对话，尤其是棘手的对话时，问：
“我是从父母、成人还是儿童状态回应？”
然后暂停选择。自我状态的意识让你成为更好的协作者、教练和人。
在评论中告诉我；你在工作中最常从哪个自我状态运作？什么帮助你在最重要时切换到成人状态？
文章概要
本文基于沟通分析心理学理论，探讨了自我状态（父母、成人、儿童）在职场中的应用，特别聚焦于成人自我状态如何提升领导效能。文章通过理论解释、案例分析和实用步骤，展示了成人状态在家庭企业管理中的重要性，强调其数据驱动、逻辑决策和情绪稳定的特点，能有效改善沟通、协作和问题解决，从而提升团队绩效和信任。
高德明老师的评价
用12岁初中生可以听懂的语音来重复翻译的内容：这篇文章讲的是，我们在工作或家里做事时，心里有三种不同的“模式”。第一种是“父母模式”，就像爸爸妈妈一样，有时候会批评人或者照顾人；第二种是“成人模式”，就像大人一样，冷静地看事情、想问题；第三种是“儿童模式”，就像小朋友一样，有创意但也会闹情绪。文章说，如果我们多用“成人模式”，就能更好地管理家庭生意，比如开网店或做手工，这样大家合作更开心，事情也做得更好。
TA沟通分析心理学理论评价：从沟通分析心理学角度看，本文精准应用了埃里克·伯恩的自我状态理论，将父母、成人、儿童状态与职场行为紧密结合。文章突出了成人自我状态的核心价值，即基于现实、逻辑和情感调节的互动方式，这符合TA理论中“我好-你好”的生命位置，促进健康沟通。案例中马库斯的转变展示了从交叉沟通到互补沟通的演进，体现了成人状态在化解冲突、建立信任中的作用。理论应用深入浅出，强调了意识提升和模式识别，这正是TA实践中“脚本分析”和“再决定”的基础。
在实践上可以应用的领域和可以解决人们的十个问题：在家庭企业管理中，成人自我状态可应用于决策制定、团队协作、客户沟通、压力管理、创新引导、冲突解决、目标设定、时间规划、情绪调节和领导发展。它可以解决人们的十个问题：1. 决策时情绪化导致错误选择；2. 与家人或同事沟通时容易争吵；3. 面对生意压力时反应过度；4. 团队合作中缺乏信任和效率；5. 创新想法被恐惧或僵化思维抑制；6. 客户投诉处理不当影响声誉；7. 目标设定不清晰导致方向混乱；8. 时间管理差造成工作生活失衡；9. 情绪波动影响判断和关系；10. 领导力不足难以激励团队。通过培养成人状态，人们能更理性、包容和有效地应对这些挑战，提升整体幸福感。