英文原文
There’s a psychological lens that can explain why some workplace conversations flow and others derail; why some meetings energise, while others leave people defensive, withdrawn, or reactive. It’s the concept of ego states, from Eric Berne’s Transactional Analysis, and it offers a powerful, practical tool for improving how we lead, collaborate, and communicate.
At its core, the ego state model explains that we operate from one of three internal states at any moment: Parent, Adult, or Child. These are not roles or personality types, they are psychological positions, and we move between them fluidly throughout the day, often without realising it.
Let’s explore how each state shows up in business, and how to work with them more deliberately.
The Three Ego States: A Practical Overview
1. The Parent
This state draws from the rules, values, and norms we internalised early in life, often from authority figures. In the workplace, it can show up in two forms:
* Critical Parent: Directive, judgemental, and often rigid. It may sound like: “That’s not how we do things here.”, * Nurturing Parent: Supportive, encouraging, but can unintentionally become rescuing. It may sound like: “Don’t worry, I’ll sort it out for you.”,
Risk: When overused, the Parent state can create dependency or fear-based compliance. Strength: When used well, it offers structure, wisdom, and protection.
2. The Adult
This is the data-driven, present-focused part of us that evaluates situations logically, seeks clarity, and makes decisions based on current reality.
It’s neutral, curious, and emotionally regulated, and it’s where we want most professional conversations to take place.
It may sound like:
“Let’s look at what’s happening and figure out the next step.”
Risk: The Adult state can become disengaged or overly analytical if disconnected from emotional context.
Strength: Essential for decision-making, problem-solving, and healthy leadership.
3. The Child
This state captures our emotional responses, creativity, and spontaneity, but also our fears, insecurities, and rebellion.
It also has two faces:
* Free Child: Curious, imaginative, and expressive. The source of innovation., * Adapted Child: Either compliant (people-pleasing) or defiant (passive-aggressive, reactive).,
It may sound like:
“I can’t believe they didn’t consult me... again.”
“What if we tried something completely different?”
Risk: The Child can derail collaboration when driven by unmet needs or fear of authority. Strength: It's a vital source of authenticity, creativity, and emotional resonance.
A Short Hero’s Journey: From Reaction to Response
Marcus was a high-performing Head of Operations; efficient, strategic, and known for “getting things done.” But his team had a problem: people walked on eggshells around him. Talented staff left. Others disengaged. The feedback from a recent engagement survey was clear: “Marcus doesn’t listen; he decides.”
At first, Marcus dismissed it. “They’re just resistant to high standards,” he told himself (a classic Critical Parent frame). But after losing yet another capable team member, he agreed to coaching.
Through that process, Marcus began to recognise a pattern: whenever pressure spiked, he reverted to control. His tone became sharper. His tolerance for ambiguity vanished. What looked like leadership was, in reality, a reactive blend of Critical Parent and Adapted Child; an internal battle between wanting control and fearing chaos.
The turning point came in a product crisis. Instead of giving orders, he paused. He asked questions. He acknowledged the team’s stress and focused on facts. For the first time, his team saw him lead from his Adult state; calm, curious, collaborative.
Afterward, someone quietly said, “You gave us space to think this time. It made all the difference.”
Marcus underwent a transformation: from authority figure to responsive leader. And that made all the difference.
Practical Steps to Work with Ego States
1. Increase Awareness
Start noticing not just what is being said, but how it’s being said. Is the tone directive, inquisitive, emotional, withdrawn?
Ask yourself:
* “Which ego state is speaking right now?”, * “What state am I responding from?”,
This alone can defuse tension and bring clarity.
2. Choose to Lead from the Adult
As a leader, your goal should be to model the Adult ego state; grounded, responsive, and present. This doesn’t mean being emotionally flat; it means balancing empathy with clarity, and curiosity with action.
Responding from the Adult State invites others to meet you there.
3. Identify Triggers and Patterns
Ego state shifts are often triggered under stress, uncertainty, or conflict.
Ask:
* “When do I tend to slip into Critical Parent or Adapted Child?”, * “Who or what tends to pull me out of my Adult state?”,
Identifying these patterns helps you build self-regulation and resilience; essential traits for high-trust leadership.
4. Develop Team Literacy
Helping your team understand ego states can reduce blame and increase insight. Teams that learn to observe how they’re interacting, not just what they’re doing, tend to self-correct faster, engage more openly, and recover more quickly from breakdowns.
Closing Reflection for the Week
As you enter your next conversation, especially the tricky ones, ask:
“Am I responding from Parent, Adult, or Child?”
And then pause to choose. Awareness of ego states makes you a better collaborator, coach, and human being.
Let me know in the comments; which ego state do you find yourself operating from most often at work? And what helps you shift into Adult when it matters most?
中文翻译
有一种心理学视角可以解释为什么有些职场对话顺畅而有些却脱轨；为什么有些会议充满活力，而有些却让人变得防御、退缩或反应过度。这就是自我状态的概念，源自埃里克·伯恩的沟通分析理论，它为我们改善领导、协作和沟通方式提供了强大而实用的工具。
自我状态模型的核心解释是，我们在任何时刻都从三种内在状态之一运作：父母、成人或儿童。这些不是角色或人格类型，而是心理位置，我们全天在它们之间流畅切换，通常没有意识到这一点。
让我们探讨每种状态在商业中的表现，以及如何更有意识地运用它们。
三种自我状态：实用概述
1. 父母状态
这种状态源于我们早年从权威人物内化的规则、价值观和规范。在职场上，它可以表现为两种形式：
* 批判型父母：指令性、评判性且往往僵化。听起来可能像：“我们这里不这样做。” * 养育型父母：支持性、鼓励性，但可能无意中变成救援。听起来可能像：“别担心，我会帮你解决。”
风险：过度使用时，父母状态可能造成依赖或基于恐惧的顺从。优势：运用得当，它提供结构、智慧和保护。
2. 成人状态
这是我们基于数据、关注当下的部分，它逻辑地评估情况，寻求清晰度，并根据当前现实做出决策。
它是中立、好奇且情绪调节的，我们希望大多数专业对话在这里进行。
听起来可能像：“让我们看看发生了什么，并找出下一步。”
风险：如果脱离情感背景，成人状态可能变得疏离或过度分析。优势：对决策、问题解决和健康领导至关重要。
3. 儿童状态
这种状态捕捉我们的情感反应、创造力和自发性，但也包括我们的恐惧、不安全感和叛逆。
它也有两面：
* 自由儿童：好奇、富有想象力和表达力。创新的源泉。 * 适应儿童：要么顺从（讨好），要么反抗（被动攻击、反应性）。
听起来可能像：“我不敢相信他们又没有咨询我……又一次。”“如果我们尝试完全不同的东西会怎样？”
风险：当由未满足需求或对权威的恐惧驱动时，儿童状态可能破坏协作。优势：它是真实性、创造力和情感共鸣的重要来源。
一个简短的英雄之旅：从反应到回应
马库斯是一位高效的运营主管；高效、战略性强，以“完成任务”著称。但他的团队有问题：人们在他周围如履薄冰。有才华的员工离开。其他人疏离。最近一次参与度调查的反馈很明确：“马库斯不听；他决定。”
起初，马库斯不以为然。“他们只是抗拒高标准，”他告诉自己（典型的批判型父母框架）。但在失去又一位能干的团队成员后，他同意接受教练。
通过这个过程，马库斯开始认识到一个模式：每当压力飙升时，他就回归控制。他的语气变得更尖锐。他对模糊性的容忍度消失。看似领导力，实际上是批判型父母和适应儿童的混合反应；想要控制与害怕混乱之间的内心斗争。
转折点出现在一次产品危机中。他没有下达命令，而是暂停。他提问。他承认团队的压力并专注于事实。第一次，他的团队看到他以成人状态领导；冷静、好奇、协作。
事后，有人轻声说：“这次你给了我们思考的空间。这改变了一切。”
马库斯经历了一次转变：从权威人物到响应式领导者。这改变了一切。
运用自我状态的实用步骤
1. 提高意识
开始注意不仅说了什么，还有怎么说。语气是指令性、探究性、情感性还是退缩性？
问自己：* “现在哪个自我状态在说话？” * “我从哪个状态回应？”
仅此就能缓解紧张并带来清晰度。
2. 选择从成人状态领导
作为领导者，你的目标应该是示范成人自我状态；接地气、响应式且在场。这并不意味着情感平淡；而是平衡同理心与清晰度，好奇心与行动。
从成人状态回应邀请他人与你相遇。
3. 识别触发因素和模式
自我状态转变通常在压力、不确定性或冲突下触发。
问：* “我什么时候倾向于滑入批判型父母或适应儿童？” * “谁或什么倾向于把我拉出成人状态？”
识别这些模式帮助你建立自我调节和韧性；高信任领导的基本特质。
4. 发展团队素养
帮助团队理解自我状态可以减少指责并增加洞察力。学会观察他们如何互动，而不仅仅是做什么的团队，往往能更快自我纠正，更开放地参与，并从崩溃中更快恢复。
本周结束反思
当你进入下一次对话，尤其是棘手的对话时，问：“我是从父母、成人还是儿童状态回应？”
然后暂停选择。对自我状态的意识让你成为更好的协作者、教练和人。
在评论中告诉我；你在工作中最常从哪个自我状态运作？什么帮助你在最重要时切换到成人状态？
文章概要
本文基于沟通分析心理学理论，探讨了自我状态（父母、成人、儿童）在职场中的应用。文章详细解释了三种自我状态的特点、风险和优势，并通过马库斯的案例展示了从反应性领导到响应式领导的转变过程。结合关键词“成人自我状态在商业伦理决策中的作用”，文章强调了成人状态在促进理性决策、减少偏见和提升团队协作中的重要性，并提供了提高意识、选择成人领导、识别触发因素和发展团队素养等实用步骤，以帮助读者在职场中更有效地运用自我状态理论，特别是在伦理决策方面。
高德明老师的评价
用12岁初中生可以听懂的语音来重复翻译的内容：想象一下，你在学校里有三种不同的“模式”。第一种是“父母模式”，就像老师或家长一样，总是告诉你该怎么做，有时很严格，有时很关心你。第二种是“成人模式”，就像你冷静地做数学题时那样，认真思考，不生气也不害怕，只关注事实。第三种是“儿童模式”，就像你玩游戏时那样，有创意又开心，但有时也会闹脾气或害怕。在工作中，大人也会在这些模式之间切换，而“成人模式”能帮助他们做出更好的决定，比如在团队里公平地解决问题。
TA沟通分析心理学理论评价：从沟通分析心理学理论来看，这篇文章精准地应用了埃里克·伯恩的自我状态模型，将父母、成人和儿童状态在职场中的动态展现得淋漓尽致。成人状态作为理性、数据驱动的部分，在伦理决策中扮演核心角色，因为它能超越父母状态的偏见（如批判型父母的僵化规则或养育型父母的过度保护）和儿童状态的情绪干扰（如适应儿童的讨好或反抗）。文章通过马库斯的案例，生动地说明了从父母-儿童混合反应到成人主导的转变过程，这体现了沟通分析中“从脚本到自主”的成长路径。成人状态的优势在于其基于当前现实的评估能力，这在商业伦理决策中至关重要，因为它能促进客观分析、减少情感偏差，并增强团队信任。文章还强调了自我状态意识的提升，这是沟通分析理论中“觉察”概念的应用，有助于个体打破自动化反应，实现更健康的互动模式。
在实践上可以应用的领域和可以解决人们的十个问题：在实践上，成人自我状态理论可广泛应用于职场领导力发展、团队建设、冲突调解、伦理培训、决策制定、沟通优化、压力管理、客户服务、创新促进和绩效提升等领域。具体可以解决人们的十个问题：1. 减少职场中的偏见决策，通过成人状态促进客观分析。2. 缓解团队冲突，通过识别自我状态避免情绪化反应。3. 提升领导效能，帮助领导者从控制转向协作。4. 增强伦理意识，在商业决策中平衡利益与道德。5. 改善沟通质量，减少误解和防御性互动。6. 降低员工流失率，通过成人领导创造安全环境。7. 促进创新思维，结合自由儿童的创意与成人状态的逻辑。8. 应对压力情境，避免滑入父母或儿童的应激模式。9. 建立高信任文化，通过成人状态的透明和一致性。10. 支持个人成长，帮助个体从适应儿童转向自主成人状态。